Be Neonified~!

Nyahaha, finally.

At last I can post up my poems. Rofl, though I had to made the site private, and yeah, lame as it may be. It's my 3rd bloggie site. T_T

http://neonified.blogspot.com/

Interested in reading them? Just drop me your mail aites. And for those who don't have blogger accounts, your google ones would do fine. >=D


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Neonie !

Okay, Neonie has opened a new blog, for the other side of me.

Hehe. It's http://neonie.blogspot.com/ .

Toodles.


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A Moment's Breath, Everlasting Remembrance

When you're gone, I couldn't imagine a world without that scent of your smell, the touch of your hand, the kiss of your lips, that look you give me, the sweet and soothing voice of yours.

And to say that you have left none of those behind when you left me here in Hell's keep, is just unbearable to my thoughts and my heart.

Though the memories that we share, the secrets that we keep, the laughs that we had, the tough times that we endured, has engraved a place here in my heart, the thought of just remembering them and just looking back in the distant past deepens this wound that never seems to heal despite going through the test of time.

Alas, you leave my ship, leaving it without a captain, without the one thing that spearheads it, the impetus of my ship is gone, and never to return to set sail with me again.

The moments we had together, will always stay here in my heart, and never shall they be forgotten no matter what the outcome of our relationship may be. For you, have changed me. You, have sculptured me into the creation that I am now. You, have made me who I am today.

Without you, I would be a lost soul, wandering relentlessly around the face of the Earth. But the day I met you, I was found and taken away from that forsaken path of blindness.

The delicate and natural touch that you tend to lay on me everytime I need you to, just soothes me and gives me that sense of serenity that I long for all this while.

The times where we would spend nights and at times days sitting at our den, where we would study together and share our thoughts on the things we learn.

But of course, I was no more than just a student. For your cunning level of intelligence surpasses me in every single aspect of education. But who could blame you, for you have a gift unlike any other, a photographic memory which captures and snaps everything that you see. A gift so extraordinary that sometimes it surprises many, but to me, you're just being yourself.

Because everyone is special in their own unique way, and you are no different. Your beauty on the outside and elegance doesn't really comply to the level of intelligence that you have, for many with the beauty doesn't have the brain.

But you are different. You give people the impression of the "typical blonde", but then you end up being one who puts an exclamation mark on top of everyone's head.

The times where you would sit on my lap as we studied, the times where you taught me things I couldn't even see right before my very eyes, the times where we would laugh and smother each other during our studying process, is what makes studying so memorable and worth remembering.

I dare say that you are the one thing that drives me to strive my best in doing what I do.

Because your ever so cunning and breathtaking presence just blows me away and makes me want to come back for more.

The times where we used to embark on our little quest of shopping too just makes me feel more complete. Despite me not liking shopping that much, the thought of just being with you is what makes me give in to my dislikes and convert them into likes.

The times we giggle and laugh, and although sometimes at people, just really makes my day.

The times where just watching you try your outfit on, mystifies me with the style and the class of your elegance.

The times where we would just sit down at the end of the day and just snag a cup of hot chocolate makes all of it worthwhile.

You made my day countless times whenever I'm with you, for you are the one person that makes my heart beat fast and slow at the same time.

The days that we would spend during the holidays, oh how they just seem so short, but yet so sweet and lovely.

Just holding your hands as we go out to meet up with your friends and just relishing you in my arms when we go for a drink or two just perfects my holiday.

Not only that, the times where we would lay on the couch holding each other while watching movies just really warms my heart with the soft ember of trust and love.

Holding you here in my arms never seems to stop putting a smile on my face for the affection and the feelings I have for you are undying.

And the nights we spent together were just as memorable as the days were. Something worth to remember, the moments of togetherness.

Yes, those nights where we would eat chocolates and talked about almost everything were nights of happiness.

Those nights where we would go out with sis to a nearby mamak stall and just chill out or maybe just go to the park nearby to enjoy the cool night breeze were nights of enjoyment.

Those nights where I would just hold you close to me with my arms and give you a kiss on the cheek before watching you doze off to slumber land were nights I would never forget.

Because knowing that you would be next to me as I sleep, that feeling is so comforting and reassuring. For you and I know that no matter what may happen, we'll always be by each other's side.

Yes, those nights of just holding you and sleeping next to you, somehow were nights that I could easily sleep compared to other nights.

The anniversaries that we had, and those special occasions like New Year's Eve and birthdays, were times I would never forget too.

Oh, the sweetest date of my life, the 2nd anniversary of our love, where we went to your apartment and where we had that glitch of candle light dinner.

Romantic it was, lovely it was, but it was nowhere near compared to you. Because of that dinner, where of course we had to roast the chicken ourselves in the mist of everything, I have come to love you more for what I could only get you was that amber coloured ring from Elle, but what you did for me was totally out of this world.

A kiss first on the cheek before asking me to look back, and there it was. That 6 feet high card, with our picture when we spent the night gazing at the stars at the park in the middle, and of course, the lovely decorations of " Happy 2 Years Together Baybe ! ".

That moment will always be in my head no matter where this road takes me to.

And how we spent our New Year's Eve was just magical. The balcony, the fireworks, the cuddle, the peck on the cheek, the chocolates, the flowers. Just lovely. <3

Ah, the taste of Ferrero Rocher reminds me every bit of what happened that night. Sweet, lovely, and everlasting.

The times where we would call each other everyday just to check up on one another is what makes me feel so cherished and cared for.

The one call that we would spend around half an hour after we're done schooling.

The one call that we would spend around an hour after dinner.

The one call that we would spend around another hour before we sleep.

And in between, maybe some text messages and a few minutes calls too.

But it seems like as though we're living in a routine isn't it?

Well, actually, baybe, I couldn't believe that you are that understanding. That trustful, and certainly, I couldn't ask for more.

For you know that I need time alone at times, and despite not following the call times, you knew that I had stuff to do and had other thoughts on my mind.

But then, that only contributes to what we have to say on the phone, doesn't it?

Oh yes, the times where I felt so comfortable just telling you everything, and knowing that you will always be there to stand by me and tell me everything is alright.

No secrets, no lies, no deception. Nothing but the truth.

That's the trust I had for you baybe and I'm very very sure that's how much trust you put in me too. <3

I still remembered the times we had during our early days where we would talk and never want to hang up. The playfulness of our love at that time, well, it just goes to show that we had gone through so much until the flower of our love blossomed.

Even the times when at school, where you would just text me at the right moment when I needed someone to talk to. I don't know how you knew, but you just did.

Yes, those times were times I would never forget, for it got me through many of my woeful days.

Those days where I just needed to let my thoughts out, and you're always there to listen to them, and never judge them no matter what they may be. You were there to catch me when I fall, and pick me up when I was feeling down.

The times where we would go for a movie or two with your friends, although I'm not close to them and I was reluctant at first, but in the end I obliged to join in. Despite that, I couldn't dare imagine what it would be like when going out with them.

But all my doubts, all my fears were not left unanswered, as you came and brightened up my day with that delicate smile and trustful company of yours. Because you never left me by myself despite being there with people whom you see everyday in school. You never left me there to just be an observer as you stood there with me, next to me, side by side, as we strolled along the walkways of the malls that we go.

How you would not left me unattended and how you would just explain things to me so that I would understand and how you would keep me close so that I won't feel alienated just reassures me that you're one of those few girls who believe that love isn't something to hide nor something to be shy of, unlike many other girls.

Oh, and how could I ever forget the times where we would just lie somewhere be it on the park grass or on the bed or the couch and just let the hearts do the talking in the silence of everything. The company and companionship that we provide each other certainly was something I would want to have above anything else in this world.

Despite the lack of conversations at times, just knowing what you feel for me and how I know that you know how I feel for you is just what makes me so comfortable and undeniably at peace as well as happy when being there with you. <3

We had our fair share of troubles too, like the time dad found out about us and he did nothing but forbid us from sustaining our relationship. But even so, it only made us knew how much we cherished and needed each other.

It only made me love you even more for you would take the risk of making this relationship work than to give in to dad's demands.

The sheer joy and happiness that we endured through this relationship is something I would never ever forget as long as I'm still breathing in this world. For you have gave me something special and something people find, but never seek. You gave me love and that has made the difference in my life. For it is better to love and lost than to never have loved at all. <3

Yes, the times we had and the memories we shared and the moments we embraced together were just breathtaking and magical.

How you would just look me in the eye and give me that ever so lovely and sweet smile.

How you would just see me and ask "Is something wrong?". And I would always reply "Nothing.".

How you would just look so amiable and elegant everytime I gaze upon your stunning figure of loveliness.

Oh, baybe, how you have changed my life so much in such a short period of time. 3 years now seems all so short but in fact, it was much shorter. I'm sorry baybe for the times where I preoccupy myself with my selfish acts of being alone, and I'm truly sorry for the times where I made you question the placement of my heart.

But I'm really sorry for the times I hurt you, if I did, and certainly, I'm regrettably sorry for how our relationship had to end.

Certainly, I would give up anything just to have you back here.

You are my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul. You are my everything.

You gave me hope, you gave me something to believe in, you restored my faith, but most of all, you made me believe in love.

The days of what we had are days I would certainly remember in my mind for those days are days that I truly enjoyed myself living life the way it is.

Those moments we had, cannot be summed up in this post I know. But at least I could just conjure a small portion of what we had between us. 3 years cannot be put into one post, 3 years cannot be summed into one blog, 3 years cannot be compared even to a thousand sunsets.

Baybe, I love you, I always will. <3

I know that it might be over, and I will have to move on. But the memories you have buried in my cranium, will be something everlasting to me.

A Moment's Breath, Everlasting Remembrance. Notice what I'm trying to point out there?

Well, if you don't then nevermind, but if you do, this is just a small piece of my mind of what I think about *coughs* *coughs*.

Thanks for reading this long and heavy post. Thanks a lot, for without knowing that you read this, I would never have even began my blogging platform.

Perhaps maybe a change of link, or a new blog, or maybe even just creating only a list of people to be invited to read would be much more private and maybe better.

I will consider, but in the meantime, thanks for reading again. Good night people, and sweet dreams. =)

Circle of Life

I sort of adapted this theory from one of the blogs I've read recently. And yes, it's a very very very relative theory and very true one indeed. Okay, since I'm wearing red, so let me be the red guy. Aite with that? Okays...So let me start the theory.


Basically, everyone has their own circle of life. Yes, everyone. Be it friendship, relationship, or whatever you may call it, there is a circle for everyone. What circle you may ask?

Well, it is sort of a circle about your life and the people around you. Nevermind whether they know you close or not, they are represented in this theory. As in inside or outside the circle.

So, as the theory is to be shown, I too have a circle. Yes, surprised? Lolz. Nvm, may seem new to you, but you'll get used to it. Okay, back to the point, yes, I have a circle too.

Now, let me present to you, the circle of Ken.





Deng deng deng deng. Okay, so this ain't my circle right now. But it was a few years down the road. Of course I am the red 'X', as stated above. And the black 'X' s are the people close to me. The blue 'X' is who you assume it to be. And the green 'X' s are the people you assume them to be. Nuff' said.

So, as you can see, my circle back then was "kind of" big. Or at least I thought it was. Back then, life was good, everything was fine. And yes, I was a happy and less emo person than I am now.





And this is the circle of Ken now. And the number of 'X' s don't represent the number of people. So, please don't be paranoid or what shit, aite? So, as you can see, the red 'X', or in other words me, am still living in my circle along with a few black 'X' s.

In case you didn't notice, the circle became smaller. Yes, after all the obstacles and the tough times I've gone through, the black 'X' s are still there. Or in theoretical terms, despite the circle getting smaller, the size of the 'X' s remains the same.

And yet again, the blue 'X' is who you assume it to be, and the green 'X' s are who you assume them to be. I won't speak about it.

Despite the departure of several black 'X' s, and yes, when they do depart, they depart in their own special way, I'll mention some later. Yes, despite that, I am still here today. I will not hold grudges, nor would I hold anything against the black 'X' s who left.

Coz' when you left my circle, I too have left yours. Meaning, I have become secondary to you, and your life as you have become to mine. Despite the ways you black 'X' s left, like ignoring me, no replies prior to contact, lost touch, backstabbing, leaving, and breaking off for some shitty argument or reason, I will not be the lesser man and seek revenge or seek ways to get back at any of you.

I would never resort to anything to hurt you people, coz' it is not within my will to keep you in my circle. It doesn't matter whether you left or not, coz' the fact is I am a better person than I was before as I have come to realize that the black 'X' s that wore masks to get into the circle, are now out of it.

And I am happy for that. I know some of those black 'X' s are out coz' of me, but it's certainly something about you that has made me resort to not retain you in my circle. You might think that it is my loss for not having you in, but if you think properly, it is yours for not letting yourself in.

I don't mean to bother about other people's relationships, therefore each 'X' in that circle has no partner except in that first picture. But as I said, it is your assumption to the theory.

I will not state names here, as it will lead to some form of discretion and sorry for the poor level of transparency and elaboration about the 'X' s.

That's all for the theory on the circle of life. Aites, ciaoz ^^

EveryThinG HappeNs FoR A ReasoN

Well, if you're reading this, I'd suggest you read from today's first post, which is the 6/6 post.
Anyways, back to this post.
Qwer...

Well, everything that happens in life, they happen for a reason.
Like when I enter my room, I turn on the switch, the light doesn't turn on till I close the door.
Or like when I go to the fridge to find food, I don't find any. Then I feel lazy to go to the kitchen, but then I still do, and I find food. The choices we make, the things that happen, they happen for a reason.

Sighs...Like when I choose to pick the left or right of each side of the goal to place the ball. Sometimes I score, sometimes I don't. Like the time I scored 0, I picked the sides where the keeper goes. Or the time when I score 15, I scored some great goals and placed the ball well.
These things happen for a reason, sometimes its just to ensure that life is fair. Or sometimes, because it is meant to be, as you will find out why at the end of it.

Like when I choose to be alone and lock myself in my room, I thought of like what's the point, then the next thing I know, I managed to write a few poems and discover on how that made me feel. Or like times where I decide whether to flip the tv channel or not, and when I do, I find something that I wanna watch, as in that'll make me feel better, or when I don't, I just fall asleep in the living room, but which is a good thing coz' I will be awake to open the door for my uncle, coz' sometimes he doesn't have the key to enter.

Things do happen for a reason. But sometimes, you just don't know what it is, and it makes you gotta figure things out. Like why did you go away ? Or why do I feel lonely when I've been enjoying myself lately? These feelings, just simply don't seem to have an answer.

But nvm, I still accept the fact that the stuff I do, they happen for a reason, like me going late to places, they happen for a reason don't they? Maybe it's to meet someone there, or maybe just to have seen something or maybe to experience something which I'm meant to experience.

Guess it's something like that. But seriously, if you ask me, things do happen for a reason. So face it, aite. ='/

LiFe Is FaiR

Well, there are things in life, well, they happen for a reason.
To be more exact, I think everything happens for a reason, the things you decide on, the choices you make, they all happen for a reason. But that's the next post la. This post is about the equality in life. And to show that life is fair.

Okie, erm, let me see how to start. Hmm...Well, in life, you may not always get what you want. And sometimes you do, but then you'll never seem to be satisfied or happy with them, coz' whenever you gain something, you lose something else. Don't get what I mean?

For example, whenever you gain acknowledgement or recognition from people, you tend to also lose respect from others. Still don't get it? Well, like me, I may have moved on with life after form3 and made friends with new people, but then I lost touch with my old friends, as well as my close friends. Sighs, something I regret but something I have to bear with I guess.

Next, when something good happens to you, something bad also happens, coz' guess what? Life is really fair after all. Like just the other day, I scored 0 goals for futsal. And yes, I was pissed, coz' it was the first time I didn't net in a goal, but then the next time I played, I also broke my own personal record. Yeap, I netted 15 goals in an hour. So, come to think of it, life is fair. Another fine example is me and my couz' friend, he scores an own goal every time he plays. Rofl, but then in every game, he also scores one heck of a goal which we call a ci bai goal. Haha.

What else ? Hmm...Oh yea, whenever you feel happy for certain periods of time, you'll also get back that same time of sadness. Yea, that's right. I've been in a relationship for more or less 3years, I've been happy, emo, jealous, and jovial throughout it. But hey, no relationship is perfect rite? Sighs, but now, she's gone, as in for good, so, I guess this is my moment of sadness and bla bla bla. Maybe I guess is someone else's turn to be happy la, and my turn to feel sadness for a change. Yeah, I mean life is fair la, I've been happy and I mean very when she was around, so I guess maybe now is time to feel that sense of emo and sad feeling lor. Rite? =/

So, if you're goin' thru a tough time now, or enjoying life as you are at the moment, embrace yourself, coz' there are times where we are happy, sad, joyful, emo, afraid, lucky. Life is fair, life is like a rollercoaster. You'll never know what's ahead of you, but it's always good to know that if you're feeling low, some good times are ahead of you.


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ReLaTioNsHipS

"If we don't have trust, we don't have anything..."

A famous quote from a person I don't know...But those words are deep...No?

i) Trust

Sighs...Trust, the core of a relationship...No trust in a relationship is the same as no heart in a living creature, no fruit inside a flower...Yea, guess it's like that...

Trust is much needed to build a steady relationship...Though trust is hard to gain...But it is easily lost...

There's nothing much really that anyone can do to change the fact that a relationship gone is more or less caused by lack of trust amongst the two partners in it. Yes, that's right, the trust and understanding, the belief and loyalty, is the cause of most unsuccessful relationships.

There never seems to be a day that goes by, that I think I lost my trust towards you, but it was we, who lost that sense of trustworthiness together.

I've never really trusted many people in my life. Though knowing that, it makes me really upset now that the only person I truly trusted is no longer here. Sighs...'
Now, to gain back the trust among other people in my life, it's really an uphill task and I don't think it will ever work. But unfortunately, I lose their trust as easy as I lost yours.

Trust...It's really hard for me to trust anyone, but I hope I can somehow find it in me to trust someone some other day...
Hopefully I will be able to...Though now, I seldom find anyone who can be trustworthy as everyone's involved in other relationships and therefore, they have their own responsibility.

It's not easy knowing that you're finding it hard to trust anyone. And it's more difficult knowing that the people you can trust, are the people that puts you in the list as those people who makes no difference in their lives. Yeah, it sucks...But yet again, I have to live with that.
Sighs...Is there anybody I can trust?


ii) Understanding

Well, in most relationships, understanding is truly a gift if both the people in the relationship are really well- matched. Though, sometimes things don't work out and then the relationship falls apart.

Everybody in this world needs a partner, whether here or spiritually. Sighs...
But then at times, you just wished that you'd find that person sooner rather than later.
The times where you are lonely, the times where you hurt, the times where you are unwanted, they just can't be paid back with some later on love can it?

Sighs...Loneliness, caused by the lack of understanding from others towards you.
If you don't allow others to see into you, you will always remain misunderstood, keep that in mind kay?

I really wish that this misunderstanding between me and others around me would vanish coz' everyone just don't see the real me.
They just see a guy, thinks he has a gf, a rich guy, with a lot of other stuff, and bla bla bla...Well, let me tell you that you guys are so off track. Sighs...

Anyways, understanding is something that is built from the passing of time, and it will never go away even till' the day you're no longer here coz' it will always remain in your heart and live within you spiritually.

The understanding, or in other words "chemistry" between two people in a relationship has to be at a level of amazing connection. Only with that, the relationship will continue to grow stronger, coz' the rough times and happiness are shared with each other. I don't even know what I'm saying actually, but hey, I'm just trying to point out that understanding in a relationship can go a long way =)


iii) Connection

The connection between two people in a relationship is the most important thing in sustaining a relationship.

"If we can't connect/relate to each other, how are we goin' to go through this together?"

Another quote but again, I don't know by who. Sienz...
Nevermind that, anyways, a good connection between people in a relationship can be seen through the actions of the partner in a relationship.

Knowing when to call that person, knowing when that person needs someone to talk to, knowing what that person needs at the moment, knowing whether or not the person is emotional whether sad or happy, and knowing the times where you can put a smile on that person's face are just some simple connections which you can relate to a person.

Right now, I seldom get these type of connections. I eat but I feel sad, coz' I know that nobody's checking on me, I go out to do stuff, but I feel depressed coz' nobody realizes whether I'm there or not, I feel stuff, but nobody knows what I feel, because I know that nobody cares as much as you used to towards me.

I miss those times where we had a great connection between us.
You always call at the right time, making sure that I'm alright and putting a smile back on my face.
You always message me at the right time, making sure that I'm okay and that what I'm doing is right.

Yeah, they're gone now.
Gone...As simple as a snap of a finger.

Really, it's just annoying feeling like this coz' when I eat, I realize who ever wonders, whether I'm full, who knows what I like to eat, who knows what I dislike to eat, who knows what ice-cream flavour I like, who knows what fast food I like, who knows what I'm eating now, who knows what I'm eating late at night, who knows what I'm feeling when I eat, who knows whether I'm left-handed or right-handed, who knows my favourite drink, my favourite chewing-gum, my favourite candy, my favourite chocolate...

Tell me, who knows? Do you? Do you really know any of those?
And that's just when I'm eating...Sighs...With me knowing that, I can't sleep at nite nor do I have an appetite to finish my food now. Coz' the only person whom can answer me is totally out of my life.


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Relationships is built on trust, compassion, connection and understanding.
A simple touch of magic can just about put a smile on anyone's face.
A simple spark in a relationship can just about make someone feel warm and happy for a long long time.

Quoted from myself, " A good relationship can withstand the storm, the sand and the seas, but a bad relationship could be easily broken with a gush of the breeze. "