The Way You Make Me Feel

Ken

I believe life is never meant to be the same old thing it is to be every now and then. More often than not, you meet new people and let them enter your lives in hope to make it a better place to live in. More often than not, you lose common ground with others and both share the fate of apathetic glances where one would not be able to look at the other the same way as they once did.

Maybe I owe people explanations, but are my new priorities that incomprehensible that I must make room for just about anything and everything? I believe I am right by saying that yes, I am a different person from who I am before. Maybe it is because of the unexpected changes, but even so, I believe I am not wrong to adapt to these changes and live with them.

I cannot relive the past, even as much as I want to, the most is to the extent of dreaming and waking up in hope that today would be different and that it would be something significant. However, that never seems to be the case. As different as I am now, answers are indeed what you people want from me. I cannot live up to your expectations anymore, for it is not within my reach to do so, as again, I have changed.

I never thought that there would be borderlines in friendships, but yes, you people have proved me wrong once again. A little tendency to be flexible for the moment knowing what I've gone through in the last few months, and the need to steer this ship in the right direction, is all that I was asking and hoping for.

It may seem that I have a lot of time up my sleeve, but how that misconception has eluded the minds of people I thought I once knew puzzles me till this very day. I am not enthralled at all but the sense that I am not given the chance to receive and justify myself in whatever means necessary, for yet again, I just do not have the time for now.

And yes, I'm sure in your minds now this is just an excuse, as always, no? But mind you, this is not an excuse, but instead a clarity of what seems to be a cloud of mist surrounding me, if that is how you put it. Things has not been the same, nothing is meant to stay the way it is, and yeah, there are times where awkwardness will tend to sneak in through that little creek between the door and the floor, but yeah, it takes time to push it back out the way it came in. And that is called resolution.

My changed personality if that is how you would say, might not always be that only personality of me, for everyone has their own traits and equal uniqueness, and congratulations, you people have shown me how unique you are to the extent of even going behind my backs, judging me over a couple of instances, creating delusions of me amongst other people, and even to the extent of well, say deleting me off phonebooks and MSN contacts' list.

I don't mind that, I believe I am also wrong in my sense that I always hoped for a lot of things, and hence, resulting in me giving back what only is given to me, the cold shoulder. I admit I for one have the tendency to be shy, and I am pretty shallow at times in expressing my gratitude and my appreciation, but if it ever crossed your mind that I have done nothing, then yes, you have the rights to put me outside of your circle.

Yeah yeah, I know you might think this is another Justin Low scam to increase his PI ratings or whatsoever. But mind you, I sacked my PI manager long before I started venturing into the jungles of love, right Mr. Aaron Chiu? (:

I've been nothing short of myself over these couple of months. In life, there are transition periods, this is one of them, something like last year when my ex flew to London. That's when things change, priorities change, and well, your life changes as well. I am deeply sorry if my changes has resulted in you people thinking that well, I have kept you all out of my circle, but over small instances like these, I'm sure anyone in their right and sane mind would know that, that isn't true.

It may not appeal to you people to think that way, but yeah, I have no say in making you change your judgement and opinion about me. If you think I have changed, and I have not fulfilled your fantasy world the way it should be, then by all means go ahead and think that way. Because yes, I have changed, everyone else will, but it is how people accept these changes and adapt to them and still live with the fact that things might not be the same as before, but yeah, as friends, I believe friendships would never change unless you start judging that person.

My priorities has differed, we'll not be as tight as before, but is it mine or my girlfriend's fault that it is like this? I believe not, and ask anyone who has fallen in love to whether their priorities have changed or not. If you can't accept that, or you can't understand that, I'm sorry, that's all I have to say.

I admit that I've not been the closest of pals to you all now, but neither have you people to me. How many of you actually ever felt happy for me when I was elated? Sadness, yes, everyone tends to stick their foot in, why? Coz' you people can't live without dramas. Yeah, the interest in wanting to know what's gonna happen next just makes you wanna stay that little longer until it is over. Am I not right?

If you think that I am at loss for you walking out on me, then you're somehow just lying to yourself. Coz' yeah, time is all that it takes to tell a person apart. And thinking that I am in the wrong and I am the cause of every single unfortunate incident in your life just makes me laugh every time I think about it. Coz' we both know that all it takes is a little time and everything will unravel, if you can't wait, I'm truly sorry again, as my endurance in relationships, be it friendship or love, is indeed one not many people can come to comprehend about.

For a person like me, and how you people feel about me, I'm sure you would probably be thinking that I'm a really hated person. But I can tell you that you are wrong. Yes, at times I may be the last person you would want to talk to, but I never hold grudges on anyone, neither do I do anything in which would hurt anyone by condemning that person. Yeah, you do see people talking about me behind my back, but how many go to the extent of actually daring to tell the world about it? None. You know why? Coz' I've been nothing but myself and you people who thinks I'm all that drama and that bitch know that I'm nothing like that.

I believe this has gone long enough. I am neither sad nor happy at the moment. But I'm sure it'll please you all for me to feel sad for everything. So just for that sake, I'll throw in a sad face. ):

Meh, there you go. I'm gonna go continue reading now. Yes, I'm reading a story book. One of the many things that I have changed about myself. If you're dissatisfied with that, yet again, I'm sorry.

Toodles. Thanks a whole lot for reading, if you really did. Hehe. (:




*I'm my own worst enemy.