Ken

Not studying sometimes do have its benefits.

And not reading 5chapters of a subject as well do have benefits. It keeps you mentally strong, instead of textbook learning / memorizing.

And mental ability pawns the ability to remember anytime.

"There are things you may learn in the classroom, however education isn't all that important. Lessons on life are much more needed to succeed as a person. And lessons on life are not what you learn in the classroom, they're learnt through experience and exposure".

8A's ain't that bad if you look at it, so I'm grateful for what I have, coz' I don't just have 8A's, I have a lot more than that. =)



*Should I hold you close, I'll set you free to fly.

Ken

How do you know that you really mean what you say or what you do?

It's when those words or things that you do doesn't work out, or take an unexpected twist, and then you start to get that feeling.

The feeling where you have no heart into doing anything else, but just lay back, stare at the sky, and wonder and ponder upon that given predicament. Even when you question yourself to why are you doing so, you can never find no answer, for you poured your heart into that given situation only to see it falter.

I believe I talk too much sometimes, so I'd better shut up now.



*I tear my heart open just to feel.

Ken

Have you ever felt that you are caught in the middle of everything?

What's worse is when you're caught up in the mist of things in a relationship, or what seems to be more than that.

I'm sure you don't. Why?

Coz' only I can ever feel that way. Because you're not me, and never will be.

Life sucks.



*I'm caught in the middle.

Ken

I guess what hurts the most was really being so close, no?

Hmm, I'm retiring myself to bed early today, while drowning myself in momentarily sorrow and teardrops. Oh well, there's always hope of a better tomorrow I guess, if it ever does come.

Sorry for the lack of updates, I promise to make it back up soon.



*She's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.

Ken

This is coz' Lynnett and I are playing a game. Lolz.

"When All Hope is Lost".

___________________________________

It was a warm, sunny morning where the birds will chirp their beautiful melody and the humming of the bees and the amiable swift floating movements of butterflies would flood the air. It was, just like every other morning. And just like every other morning, I wake up, with you next to me, holding me close and not letting go until I had to wake the both of us up.

It seemed like every ordinary day, where we would just spend the day together doing the things we do. More often than not, we would be strolling down the park taking Fifi for a walk along the pathways. And more often than not, we would be lying on the couch, watching the big rectangle one calls a flat screen television.

There wasn't really much going about on that day, all until a sudden phone call as you were preparing lunch and I, being the stoner that I am, was at the balcony enjoying the view from the 22nd floor. I went in a couple of moments later to see that you were barely able to comprehend whatever the conversation was on the phone- which you hardly ever do.

I ignored that moment of pause and went on to help get the plates. By the time I was back, it all seemed clear to me that something was wrong. The sudden change in the mood, the terror-stricken face of yours clearly sent tingles down my spine as I could only mutter out the words, "Baybe, is everything alright?".

You moved on to help me with the plates and cutleries before we settled down on the dining table to enjoy what seems to be leftover spaghetti from the previous night. A few bites in, you finally told me, with words that would pierce a hole through my heart, "I'm moving to London".

I didn't know how to react, as being the usual calm and ice-cold person that I am, I usually take things well and react to it accordingly. However, this was rather exceptional. I did not know whether to cry or to be mad, whether to throw myself off a cliff or to beg you to stay. I was practically clueless.

We both knew that the more we talked about it, the harder it was for either one of us to actually bear with each other. So, being the honest person that you are, you told me how you felt about it, and so did I. Alas, we came to a decision where we would only speak about it when it comes to a point where it needs to be spoken.

A month goes by, it doesn't seem like there's anything happening. Even if there was, I did not bother to know. We spent more time with each other, and as often as we could. However, I guess it was really till that point, that we could really go to. The 3years of love, memories, compassion, understanding, and care was simply about to vanish a lot sooner than what I would expect.

We were practically on top of a mountain, at the peak of our relationship, until suddenly one decision made by someone else, practically made us fell from that mountain from its peak. I wasn't ready to let go, neither were you. But just when all hope seems lost, you told me words turned that frown of mine into the broadest smile I ever could conjure.

You told me you were staying, and that you would most likely finish your education here before moving. I was happy, I was blissful, I was over the moon and beyond the stars in the galaxy. I thought the nightmare was over, and that those 3years we had were gonna be heading for a longer period, but I guess I was wrong.

Another sudden phone call a day after, and that was what really decided where we would go from there onwards. With dissatisfaction and unhappiness screaming through the phone, it was time, time that you and I let go. But for the sake of everything, those 3years, you stayed on for 2 more weeks, in which was like the countdown to what could have been true love.

Those 2 weeks, are still fresh in my memory now. It only seemed like yesterday we would spend the night at the hill looking at the stars, going to watch fireflies at Kuala Selangor, enjoying the breathtaking view of the city night lights with you wrapping your arms around me, and where we would cuddle in the middle of the night staying up waiting for either one of us to fall asleep. Ah, good times they were, heck, those were times beyond replacement, and beyond imaginable.

You gave me everything, but at the end of the day, the only thing that was missing, was you. It seemed like we couldn't argue whenever we could have. It seemed like we couldn't stay mad at each other, even if it's just 5 minutes. It seemed like we were meant for each other, as the love and tender loving care we share was simply a feeling one could only find once in a lifetime.

When all hope is lost, you left me here, stranded on a deserted island, with no one else to adhere to, no one else to rant to, no one else to pamper with, no one else to advise me, and no one else to truly, madly, deeply love me. Even so, I thank you for what you've given me, for nothing can replace that, and nobody can replace you. <3



*It isn't to hard to see, we're in heaven.

Ken

It's basic human nature I guess when you only realize how much something is worth to you when you start to lose it, or you already have.

Never once appreciation and any sort of effort was put in to show how much that something means to you, right until the point where you feel you may lose that something.

The fear of losing and not having another chance to fully appreciate that something only will finally make you realize that, that something actually means a whole lot more as you have taken that something for granted.

Because, the more you take something for granted, the tighter you hold it within your grasps, and the tighter you hold it, the more it slips away. Nuff' said.



*I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul.

Ken

And this is to what I've missed. A once in a lifetime opportunity.



Curse education.

Curse Maths.

Curse whoever who came up with Maths.

Curse numbers.

Curse whoever who came up with numbers.

Bah, I missed my most favourite band's concert. Screw it.

Bye.



* You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

Ken

Sometimes I'd wish, I could take it all back, and then let it go again.

It's always a problem when you realize there aren't many things falling in the right place.

I miss those 3years, more than ever now.



*Heaven oh heaven, what can I do.

Ken

It's 3 weeks before Valentine's Day.

A message pops up in your mind and you think about what you would be doing with your girlfriend on V'Day.

You think of a candlelight dinner, at a fancy restaurant, followed by a slow dance, and then passing her your Valentine's card, hand made by yourself.

So, as the days go by, that thought still stays in your mind.

Then you think, Valentine's is on a Thursday. Your girlfriend has work on Thursday, but an off day on Wednesday.

So you planned it perfectly, with Wednesday, being the 13th, as well as the exact date where you and your girlfriend have been together for 4months, be the day you take your girlfriend out for that dinner.

So the days continue to pass by, and then a week from Valentine's, your girlfriend tells you she has to work full day for the rest of the week.

You get a setback. But then you figure out Plan B.

So you still get your girlfriend 7 red roses, 7 white roses and 7 blue daisies as 21 flowers marks her birthday which is the 21st of the last month of the year. You go through the trouble of making her a card till 3am in the morning the night before knowing you have a Maths quiz the next day.

So you wanted to surprise her during her work break. But then you won't know whether she's free then. So you told her that you'll be dropping by later, without any giveaways.

She then tells you she's not going to work. Thus, hope is restored.

Then again, she says her back hurts, and she couldn't go out. You get another setback. Harsh isn't it?

So you try to plan again for the next day, which is the actual Valentine's Day. Then, you just remembered, it's your family's open house for Chinese New Year. So, there goes your V'Day.

You thought of asking her to come, but then you put into consideration since she can't even meet up with you when she has a day off, what are the odds of her actually missing work to come, right?

Hence, sums up the first Valentine's Day you never celebrated in 4 years. Saddening isn't it?

So you go to college where everyone thinks you had a great Valentine's Day, where in fact you did not. So well, now you all know, what a great Valentine's Day I had this year.

What happened to the flowers and the card? Thankfully Mr. Rubbish Collector helped me settle them.

That's all for now. Bye.



*Even if the sun refuse to shine, even if we met at different times.

Ken

I had the strangest dream when I was napping just now. I dreamt college was at Bandar Tun Razak. I dreamt I was stoning in college (okay, maybe this is what I do). I dreamt that I had a bicycle. I dreamt that me and Ho took the bicycle for a spin in the highway and we kept crashing and getting bruises but still laughed about it.

I dreamt we met Zhi Wei on the highway. Yes people, Tan Zhi Wei aka Man Ray, on the highway, wtf rite. Don't ask me why, coz' I myself want to know. Then, we ended up back in college having skipped like 3-4 lessons, and then everyone was puzzled by us returning with cuts and bruises, but yet, we were still laughing. Pfft. The end.



*AM to PM