Life and Reasons

I'm sad. Yes, very sad.
I'm lost, I've lost my path, my way of life.
I've changed, or well I think I have.

I broke off from a 3-year relationship. Yes, 3 god damn years !
I feel lonely, that's my current situation. Really lonely.
I don't know who I can trust, who I can tell my stuff to, coz' the people around me are so judgemental and their sincerity is so doubtful.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, or maybe I lack that trust among them, or maybe it is really them who don't really care as much as they do?
Every one of them seems to be getting along with life so fine, as though nothing's happening.

Sigh, I let my problems out, but that is also to someone who barely knows me. She's my gf's best friend...Sorry, forgot to add the ex to the gf there...

Well, the reason I can trust her to tell my problems is coz' I know she won't judge me and coz' I barely know her, so she can't possibly do anything to betray me or stuff like that. On the plus side, she's a good listener and doesn't tend to contradict what I say.

And to know that I'm letting out my stuff to someone who doesn't even know me much, I'm like wondering, who am I? Who are my friends? Honestly, I don't know.

I mean, how can a person be so alone when he's never alone? I guess it's just coz' I'm living among people who don't know me, they just know me, but they don't know me know me.

When I'm down, I used to call Amber, but now I've got nobody to lean on. I know I'm being a lil over-reacting here, but tell me, am I wrong to be this way?

I know I've got to move on, and not let this distract me, but sometimes, before you can move on, you've got to clear the fog in front of you right?

There is no simple explanation to this, I mean I have not had good nights sleep and has been shedding a few tears now and then. I drown myself with songs, and tend to just keep apart from the world. Sighs, when will somebody ever find me?

I'm crying now, yes I'm admitting that. But hey, if you were in my shoes, you couldn't hold it in as long as I have, and I'm pretty sure of that. I've kept my fair share of secrets about so many people, and yes, I mean many. But hey, nobody seems to care to keep mine.

Maybe I've been blinded by the fog, or maybe this is the reality that I must face. But whatever it is, I know one thing's for sure, I can't wait to be out of high school. There has been it's good and bad times, but heck, it surely sucks now. I mean moving on to some college would be nice, as I mean I could then maybe meet some real friends and maybe find someone else too.

If I'm so happy then why am I so sad?
If I've got friends, then why do I feel lonely?
If I've got people around me, why do I feel left out?
If I'm so that nice a person, then why do I feel so bad?
If I'm so great a person, then why do I feel so down?
If I've got people who care for me, then why do I cry at this time?
If I'm so pathetic to talk to, then why bother talking to me?
If I'm so meaningless, then why bother speaking to me?
If I'm so emo and sad, why bother helping me when you don't intend to?
If I've got such helpful friends, then why am I carrying this burden alone?
If I'm such a hard person to care for, then why bother knowing me?
If I'm such a burden to you to care for, please get the hell out of my life !


I don't know who are important in my life anymore. Everyone just seems away from me, and apart from my path. I feel as though I'm carrying this burden alone, actually I am.

Frodo has Sam, Peter Parker has Mary Jane, Harry Potter has Hermione and Ron, Lizzie McGuire has Gordon and Miranda, Spongebob has Patrick and Sandy, Ariel has Flounder and Sebastian, Scamp has Angel, Tramp has Lady, heck even Beast has Beauty. Sighs, but who do I have? Anybody can tell me?

I know I've been isolating myself, but heck, sometimes when somebody's lost, they just need someone to guide them back, and not wait till' they find that someone. Fuck life, fuck the world.

==========End============