Ken

I believe life is never meant to be the same old thing it is to be every now and then. More often than not, you meet new people and let them enter your lives in hope to make it a better place to live in. More often than not, you lose common ground with others and both share the fate of apathetic glances where one would not be able to look at the other the same way as they once did.

Maybe I owe people explanations, but are my new priorities that incomprehensible that I must make room for just about anything and everything? I believe I am right by saying that yes, I am a different person from who I am before. Maybe it is because of the unexpected changes, but even so, I believe I am not wrong to adapt to these changes and live with them.

I cannot relive the past, even as much as I want to, the most is to the extent of dreaming and waking up in hope that today would be different and that it would be something significant. However, that never seems to be the case. As different as I am now, answers are indeed what you people want from me. I cannot live up to your expectations anymore, for it is not within my reach to do so, as again, I have changed.

I never thought that there would be borderlines in friendships, but yes, you people have proved me wrong once again. A little tendency to be flexible for the moment knowing what I've gone through in the last few months, and the need to steer this ship in the right direction, is all that I was asking and hoping for.

It may seem that I have a lot of time up my sleeve, but how that misconception has eluded the minds of people I thought I once knew puzzles me till this very day. I am not enthralled at all but the sense that I am not given the chance to receive and justify myself in whatever means necessary, for yet again, I just do not have the time for now.

And yes, I'm sure in your minds now this is just an excuse, as always, no? But mind you, this is not an excuse, but instead a clarity of what seems to be a cloud of mist surrounding me, if that is how you put it. Things has not been the same, nothing is meant to stay the way it is, and yeah, there are times where awkwardness will tend to sneak in through that little creek between the door and the floor, but yeah, it takes time to push it back out the way it came in. And that is called resolution.

My changed personality if that is how you would say, might not always be that only personality of me, for everyone has their own traits and equal uniqueness, and congratulations, you people have shown me how unique you are to the extent of even going behind my backs, judging me over a couple of instances, creating delusions of me amongst other people, and even to the extent of well, say deleting me off phonebooks and MSN contacts' list.

I don't mind that, I believe I am also wrong in my sense that I always hoped for a lot of things, and hence, resulting in me giving back what only is given to me, the cold shoulder. I admit I for one have the tendency to be shy, and I am pretty shallow at times in expressing my gratitude and my appreciation, but if it ever crossed your mind that I have done nothing, then yes, you have the rights to put me outside of your circle.

Yeah yeah, I know you might think this is another Justin Low scam to increase his PI ratings or whatsoever. But mind you, I sacked my PI manager long before I started venturing into the jungles of love, right Mr. Aaron Chiu? (:

I've been nothing short of myself over these couple of months. In life, there are transition periods, this is one of them, something like last year when my ex flew to London. That's when things change, priorities change, and well, your life changes as well. I am deeply sorry if my changes has resulted in you people thinking that well, I have kept you all out of my circle, but over small instances like these, I'm sure anyone in their right and sane mind would know that, that isn't true.

It may not appeal to you people to think that way, but yeah, I have no say in making you change your judgement and opinion about me. If you think I have changed, and I have not fulfilled your fantasy world the way it should be, then by all means go ahead and think that way. Because yes, I have changed, everyone else will, but it is how people accept these changes and adapt to them and still live with the fact that things might not be the same as before, but yeah, as friends, I believe friendships would never change unless you start judging that person.

My priorities has differed, we'll not be as tight as before, but is it mine or my girlfriend's fault that it is like this? I believe not, and ask anyone who has fallen in love to whether their priorities have changed or not. If you can't accept that, or you can't understand that, I'm sorry, that's all I have to say.

I admit that I've not been the closest of pals to you all now, but neither have you people to me. How many of you actually ever felt happy for me when I was elated? Sadness, yes, everyone tends to stick their foot in, why? Coz' you people can't live without dramas. Yeah, the interest in wanting to know what's gonna happen next just makes you wanna stay that little longer until it is over. Am I not right?

If you think that I am at loss for you walking out on me, then you're somehow just lying to yourself. Coz' yeah, time is all that it takes to tell a person apart. And thinking that I am in the wrong and I am the cause of every single unfortunate incident in your life just makes me laugh every time I think about it. Coz' we both know that all it takes is a little time and everything will unravel, if you can't wait, I'm truly sorry again, as my endurance in relationships, be it friendship or love, is indeed one not many people can come to comprehend about.

For a person like me, and how you people feel about me, I'm sure you would probably be thinking that I'm a really hated person. But I can tell you that you are wrong. Yes, at times I may be the last person you would want to talk to, but I never hold grudges on anyone, neither do I do anything in which would hurt anyone by condemning that person. Yeah, you do see people talking about me behind my back, but how many go to the extent of actually daring to tell the world about it? None. You know why? Coz' I've been nothing but myself and you people who thinks I'm all that drama and that bitch know that I'm nothing like that.

I believe this has gone long enough. I am neither sad nor happy at the moment. But I'm sure it'll please you all for me to feel sad for everything. So just for that sake, I'll throw in a sad face. ):

Meh, there you go. I'm gonna go continue reading now. Yes, I'm reading a story book. One of the many things that I have changed about myself. If you're dissatisfied with that, yet again, I'm sorry.

Toodles. Thanks a whole lot for reading, if you really did. Hehe. (:




*I'm my own worst enemy.

Ken

Baby came over today, and we pretty much stoned, and stoned some more.

We were supposed to watch some old shows, but then ended up lazing in the bed till about 2.30pm I think. So yeah, then being the pigs we were, it took pretty much a long time before actually getting off the bed. =D

And we ended up watching Pride & Prejudice. Hehe, after such a long time not watching it. <3

I think it's a great movie, for some reason, I don't know. Though there are still one or two scenes where the English of the medieval people surpass mine, but yeah, it's intriguing to see the way they speak in such a manner.

Okays, I shall figure out whether I want to drink Coke or not now. Toodles. =)



*You're every minute of my every day. <3

Ken

Tagged by Tze Sandbag Szi Zhi Wei.



Name one person who made you laugh last night.
My cousin! Playing with helium balloons is much fun. =D

What were you doing at 0800?
Having weird dreams.

What were you doing 30minutes ago?
Watching the television. What ever happened to Spongebob!??!? It's been ages since I last saw it. Sniffles.

What happened to you in 2006?
Wow, I think it's too much to be said in just a few words I guess. Lazy to write laaa.

What was the last thing you said out loud?
Can't remember. Pfft.

How many beverages did you have today?
One bottle of water.

What colour is your hairbrush?
Void.

What was the last thing you paid for?
Parking valet at Courtyard Garden.

Where were you last night?
Courtyard Garden, having dinner, and getting dizzy over champagne. Haha.

What colour is your front door?
Front door of? White la I guess.

Where do you keep your change?
Wallet la. Unless you're talking about one cents. Teehee. =D

What's the weather like today?
Gloomy and a little mixture of happy and confused.

What's the best ice-cream flavour?
Chocolate. Belgian chocolate. Hehe. =)

What excites you?
Seeing my darling after a day or two, and erm, futsal. =D

Do you want to cut your hair?
Maybe.

Are you over the age of 25?
25months, yes. Years, go figure. =P

Do you talk a lot?
Only when necessary.

Do you watch the O.C.?
Used to, coz' it was like 2-3am in the morning, so yeah.

Do you know anyone named Steven?
Steven's Corner. Hahahaha. Okay, that was lame. Pfft.

Do you make up your own words?
Yesh! =D

Are you a jealous person?
Name me one person who isn't. But yeah, I am pretty much so.

Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'A'.
Al Kok. Hahaha. I still remember the "Kamu! Yang pakai cermin mata itu!" moment. =D

Name a friend whose name starts with 'K'.
Ken! =D

Who's the first person on your received call list?
My mum.

What does the last text message you received say?
Some stupid MaxisGift message.

Do you chew on your straws?
Used to.

Do you have curly hair?
No. Never will.

Where's the next place you're going to?
Heaven. =)

Who's the rudest person in your life?
My little cousin brother.
"Loser". "Don't call me loser you fucker". Kids these days.

What was the last thing you ate?
Spaghetti. =D

Will you get married in the future?
Definitely. =)

Is there anyone you like right now?
Yesh, but I not only like her, I love her to bits too. <3

When was the last time you did the dishes?
I can't remember. Erm, last 2months?

Are you currently depressed?
Yes and no.

Did you cry today?
Nopes.

Why did you answer and post this?
Coz' I've got too much time up my sleeve. Pfft. =/




*When you smile at me you know exactly what you do. <3

Ken

Me and my girlfriend have a weird way of calling each other sometimes.

Other couples would give like sweet names to their partners but we have weird names for each other, right baby? =D


'You can be a monkey only if I am a pig'.

'No, I be monkey, and you be onion, fly, mosquito, pig, and bear'.

'I want bear and pig only. You can have the rest, see I'm so nice'.

'Don't want la, they're yours la. And i left out sandbag'.

'It's sandbag GIRLFRIEND okay'.


Haha. =D



*Drowning in your love. <3

Ken

I'm so glad the holidays are nearing. One more paper, but it feels like an eternity.

I need to let myself go. I need a getaway. Away from everything. Sometimes I just wish I could go back to the park in Hartamas and lie down on the grass by the dark starry sky and let myself wander into my own thoughts, thoughts that I never have to bother anything about.

Away from the worries, away from the stress, away from the expectations, away from me.

There are times where you realize you've been trying to please everyone, and although that may not seem the case here, but I assure you, it hasn't been easy for me too. These are the times you realize, that all you've been doing is trying to please everyone else, but you please anyone but yourself.

I just watched 'Ask the Dust', it's the reason why I'm alive now.

Time to move on to 'Casanova'. Hopefully that'll keep me alive for the next 2.




*Even if the sun refuse to shine...

Ken

Loves <3

*Dancing in the dark in the middle of the night, taking your heart and holding it tight.

Ken

It's 5.30pm, I hadn't started studying for my mid-year, which starts tomorrow.

Maths and Specialist Maths are the papers tomorrow, and I am unprepared more than anything else.

I can't do a single question of Maths, yes, 0. Sigh.

I'm destined to fail SAM. Sniffles.

I think I'm gonna be panic-ing soon. I feel stupid. =/



*On the way down.

Ken

I came across something interesting lately, and it really made me laugh hard.

Chuck Norris Facts-


Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

If you have $5, and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a Ctrl button on his keyboard because Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep... He waits.

If you ever ask yourself a question, the best possible answer would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris took a big ball of crap and made them into planets.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on dry land.

God said, "Let there be light". Chuck Norris said, "Say please".

Chuck Norris can divide by zeros.

Chuck Norris visited The Virgin Islands once, it is now known as The Islands.

Chuck Norris has friends on MySpace that doesn't even have a MySpace.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German airplane by pointing at it and yelling "Bang!".

First rule about Chuck Norris: Don't talk about Chuck Norris.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a salesman, over the phone.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

The Bible was originally titled 'Chuck Norris & Friends'.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice, in 30seconds.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Iraq doesn't have weapons of mass destruction, because Chuck Norris lives in America.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris once killed two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris doesn't use spell check. If he misspells a word, Oxford simply changes the actual spelling of it.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Outer space exists because it didn't want to live on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

The government tried to mimic Chuck Norris' roundhouse-kick, but they only got nuclear bombs, they weren't even close.

Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, the bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can solve a rubics cube by staring at it.

God was named 'God' because the name 'Chuck Norris' was already taken.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

On Chuck Norris' calendar, it goes from 31st March to 2nd April because nobody fools Chuck Norris.

If you Google "Chuck Norris gets his ass kicked", your computer will explode.

There are no disabled people, only people who met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris scared the black out of Michael Jackson.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of bananas.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

We only live because Chuck Norris lets us.

=====

Hope you had a laugh. =D



*Little wonders. <3

Ken

First. Of many more to come.

No, of many many more to come. Aww. <3



*When I look into your eyes I know that it's true, God must have spent a little more time on you.

Ken

Weird dreams. Bed-rolling. Television. Pig movie. Hair cut. Futsal. 13 goals. Laze. Shower. More lazing. Talks with my piggy <3. Dinner. Spaghetti. Stone. Sleep maybe?

Another day in the life of a monkey. =D



*Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, impossible as it may seem.

Ken

I finally can remember what I want to blog about now. But then...

I'm really hungry, so I'll just leave this post as a reminder. Haha.

kthxbai.



*Helpless when she smiles.

Ken

I seem to forget about the things I want to blog about when I'm here, but when I'm away, I can remember. Hmm, this is so not good.

You know sometimes you just wanna know what goes through people's mind? Yeah, it just gets you kind of worked out about it right. Hmm, you think you know what's going on, but then you're just not that sure. It sucks, yeah. Doubting isn't really part of any solution, neither is assuming.

But you'll never be sure, even if it's spoken, I guess. A lot of people want what you have, but they never get it. They try, they resort to ways to get that something in ways you yourself cannot comprehend, for you do not know what is going on. Yet again, it sucks. At the end of the day, you just hope, for the inability to understand the situation forehand, results in nothing, but dangles there waiting for the wind to take it to where it may go.




*I'm a house of cards in a hurricane.

Ken

I think I'm inspired to write now. Yes, after today. And after I plan the story nicely. Hopefully it won't be like the others. Oh wells.



*Please give me something, coz' someday I might call you from my heart.

Ken

I feel like writing stories again. The last one didn't do too well coz' it got abandoned mid-way through, well, just like every other one I guess. Hmm, don't know whether I should start.

The small hands on my watch which points the days isn't working. Pfft.

Why is today filled with random posts, omg la.



*The words you said you sang to me, and you showed me where I wanna be.

Ken

Yays, mid-term break is around the corner. But first, slain the might mid-term papers I must. Okay, that was lame.

Anyways, I seem to have like one day in the entire month where I'll be really craving for food and I'll be starving the whole day. Hmm, something is wrong somewhere.

Bye.



*4 o'clock in the morning, my mind's filled with a thousand thoughts of you. <3

Ken

Marie Digby's acoustic versions are the love yo!



*Move in a little closer, take it to a whisper, just a little louder. <3

Ken

It hasn't been the nicest of weeks, neither has it been the worst of em'. But all in all, I guess it's been not that bad a week to sum it all up. (:

I've been having weirder dreams now, like how pushing the car downhill and then knowing that I accidentally pushed it a tad bit too hard to dreaming more about that dream.

Despite everything that's happened, I guess it isn't so bad. Mid-term is around the corner, but I guess there wouldn't be enough time to study, so why bother.

Again, I've been over-thinking a lot, but I decided to ignore most of the things so that I wouldn't find myself spending hours staring at nothing while stoning.

I need a stress-ball. Baby has Tortoise, I need one myself. Hmm, futsal would be nice, but my whole body's aching now thanks to badminton. Sniffles.

Anyways, thanks again baby for everything for the past week. I know I'm like repeating this over and over again, but yeah. I know it has been rather boring and very very tensed at times, but I'm really glad to have you beside me. I'm sorry for the *you know what* incidents that I caused.

And this is one of the many uncountable reasons why I love my girlfriend so much, apart from being my onion-head, piggy, onion, and my sandbag. Ooppss. Hehe. =D



*Say it again for me.

Ken

It's hard for a sparrow to find a nest, for there are many trees around the forest. A little sparrow, finding and searching, only to discover the best nesting ground is taken, the irony. The sparrow moves on, in hope to find one just as inviting and nice. It's driven by the will to live, the determination to survive, and the lust to nest. It's surreptitious movement, so nimble, so elegant, yet so unappreciated. It moves on, again, through the rain, through the winds, through the snow, but to no avail.

It doesn't remain defeated however, only a pinch of disappointment, maybe. Unraveling the forest bit by bit, it still continues its search. Hindered by more setbacks, but motivated by the morning sun day after day. The sparrow knows, that there may not be another perfect nesting ground as the one it found on its first encounter, but in hope it believes in, and in faith that one day there will be one that's meant for it.

Just when hope seemingly has been wiped away, a glimmer of light appears at the end of the tunnel. That amiable view, that brilliant sighting, the perfect nesting ground, it has found. The sparrow was treated to a mountain-high of satisfaction. However, it did not remain that way. Much to its joy, it knows that it didn't belong there, for it did not understood the need to settle in a perfect nesting ground. It realized, that the necessity to be perfect, isn't so perfect after all.

So the sparrow moves on, it knows, but it somehow doesn't. As it moves away, it glances back at that spot only to see another sparrow resting on that nesting ground. It sheds a tear, but carries on in flight with a heavy, but strong heart. It knows, but then again, it doesn't. Curiosity begins to develop inside the sparrow, but it is ignored, as the sparrow knows, if only the nesting ground could speak, what would it probably say? It wonders, as it flies away into the deep tropical forest, never to be seen again.

Love story? Hell no. Go figure.



*Flight of the bumblebee-buzz.

Ken

There are times when there are things that you know coz' you know, and there are times when there are things you think you know, but you actually don't. I usually do know, but I guess the latter describes me better now somehow.

Don't get it? Well, they're words only I know.



*Next year today.

Ken

Life. Couldn't be much more intricate, difficult, stressful, but enjoyable at the same time. Love. Is a many splendid thing. Makes life. The more reason to enjoy, and carry on with it. =)



*Take on me.

Ken

Some pictures from the past week:



Butterflies and a pig, yes, on my hand. =D



Thanks to baby.



Silly Tilly with my name tag. = =



Basketball before the barbeque.












So we decided to go back for me to grab a shower before coming back and we saw this very beautiful view of the sunset.


And thus, resulting in baby snapping pictures of it. Haha. =D



My toe after futsal. =/



The amount of blood lost, no wonder why my left foot cramped.



Yes, the wound which made it like tat.



*Like the sun coming up in the morning, like holding the world in your hands. <3

Ken

Collided. Stumbled. Fallen. Lifted. Enthralled. Standing again. <3



*It's the way you make me feel.

Ken

Sighs, my life is officially screwed. As in seriously.


*Back at one.

Ken

I am a jerk. I always have been. I don't deserve anything I get in life, I don't earn them, neither do I do anything to get them. Maybe I don't deserve being the person that I am now. I'm sure all of you would agree with me on that.

It really hurts knowing that you've been a jerk so bad till the closest person to you cannot trust you 100% with what you say or do, and that your so called friends will always think that you're nothing but just someone which doesn't get what he gives. Yeah, that's me.

I often wonder do I deserve the constant inability to sleep well, the sudden rush of thoughts to the head, and the constant thoughts that keep popping up in my head every now and then, and yeah, I guess all of you would agree that I do deserve much worse than that. Coz' yeah, I agree with you all too.

Well, it's bad enough the people you love find it hard to trust you as well as look at you differently when they see you based on each thing you do. But to add the fact that your life is an entire last minute plan out, just kind of makes it that much harder to please anyone and everyone.

I understand if you do not want to talk to me again, coz' yeah, I haven't been that much of a friend when you needed me to be. I'm sorry. I guess I just neglected my responsibility as a friend knowing what my other priorities were. I'm sorry for that.

I know I haven't been the nicest person I could be lately, and that I have been nothing but a jerk, but I'd hope you people would understand and contemplate my reasons for acting in such a manner.

Unfortunately, it seems like hoping for something like that wasn't really the right thing to do.

I'm pretty sure Mao's extremely pissed at me now, that Ho and Lai aren't exactly too happy with me either, that Zhi Wei is pretty mad at be for sandbag-ing him last time, that my ex-school mates prolly wished I be less of a snob as well as that much less of a jerk, and also that baby prolly thinks that I ain't that much of your sensible and lovable guy anymore and much more of a jerk instead of being a trusted and caring boyfriend in which you'd hope I be.

I understand and I'm able to comprehend why you people feel this way about me, and it is my own fault for putting myself into such a predicament. I'm sorry for making you people feel this way, and I'm even more sorry that it is only up till now that I have to come and apologize to all of you.

This post isn't to ask for your pity and sympathy towards the predicament I am in now, neither is it a must for you to even respond to it. Coz' honestly, I don't deserve the effort and time you people put in for me and despite being the jerk that I am, I never hold grudges, and I understand that I even with this, it wouldn't change anything that's been happening at the moment.

Sometimes in life when things are against you, it really is. I need a getaway. I think it's best that I stay away for the moment.

I didn't sleep well last night, to add to the account I only slept at 5am and woke up 7am after having 2 very weird dreams, again, and apart from momentarily slumber which I accidentally gave in to at midnight. I just didn't feel right that I just sat there and ponder upon my thoughts and not letting you all know about it, thus resulted in me typing this post on my phone last night.

If you didn't read it, it doesn't really matter anyway, coz' hey, why would you wanna listen to a jerk rambling about his life right. Hmm.



*Same old brand new you.

Ken

Weird dreams have been haunting me lately. Strange enough, I myself find it difficult to comprehend why.

It's been a while since I've been having these kinda dreams, oh well, what comes must go some time right?

I realize sometimes I tend to drift away into my own little world more often than I should.

I had a massage just now, and yeah, I wandered to "Thoughts Central" where I sort of like looked over things.

Maybe I tend to over-think things, and in which isn't for my own good I guess. Sudden rush of everything sometimes really just hits you real hard and makes you pause for a moment in your life, just like having a sugar rush to your brain after too much intake of glucose.

I shall, try not to have weird dreams anymore, hopefully. But I'm having weird feelings now. Hmm. I shall be gone now. Bye.



*When I look to the sky.

Ken

I wasted my afternoon stoning and watching Relative Strangers. I think it's a nice show, with quite a nice storyline. Very well, not the typical and obvious plot I guess.

I think Neve Campbell looks really pretty in the show. She plays Ellen, and yeah, well, the love story of Ellen and Richard is well, simply lovely. =)

I have to stop having weird dreams. And I do not have internal conflict. Hehe. =P

I guess I shall end here.

And I just realized the beginning of every 'Enter' starts with "I". Hmm...

Toodles.



*Quoted from the movie, "If you truly love someone, you accept them for whoever they are". Aww. <3

Ken

Class. Stone. Paper plates. Ice-cream. Family Guy. Basketball. Shower. Barbeque. Walk. Cuddles. Sleep. Weird dream. Baby.

Pretty much sums up my day yesterday. Love you baby <3



*Coz' it's you and me.