A Little Bit More About Me...

Okay, I'm going to experience Hell on Earth in just about 13-14hours or so.
So, I'm gonna get this done before I do so.

=====================


1. What do you do when you've got free time at home?
---> Sleep, watch tv, or go online.

2. Have you ever gone on a holiday trip before? If so, where's the furthest place you have been?
---> Yes, erm, Italy I think, or is Spain further? Hmm...

3. What was your first ever handphone? Honestly...
---> Nokia 3320 I think.

4. What's your current handphone?
---> SE k500i and o2 Atom.

5. Have you ever lost your handphone?
---> YES~! TWICE~! First, was the 3320, damn you keat ho, ass clown pick pocket...And then my first k500i in the Putra train. Zzz...

6. When was the last time you messaged someone? ( Currently 11.50pm)
---> Erm, about a day ago? Haven't been replying my msgs today...

7. Do you like to call or prefer messaging someone to talk to them?
---> I prefer calls, but heck they're expensive...But I don't care, I love cooking porridges though I can't have pillow talks anymore...Sigh...

8. Honestly, who was your first ever crush and when was it?
---> I don't know bout this, coz kok hong says I got a gf when I was in tadika...And till now I'm like wtf...I don't even remember..Zzz..

9. Do you have a crush on someone now?
---> I do have a crush, my heart. It's crushed due to the fact that I'm broken down after falling apart from a 3year honeymoon...

10. What's your current favourite food?
---> Somehow I can't stop eating chicken, so I guess it's chicken...Or maybe it's fast food...Hmm...

11. What is your all-time favourite food?
---> Spaghetti and chicken chop with mushroom sauce...YummY XD

12. Do you prefer dogs or cats?
---> I like cats better, but I do like dogs too...But exception to kittens and puppies, they're just too lovely to hate...

13. Why?
---> Coz''...coz...I have a stuffed toy cat at home...Muahaha...

14. Are you a schedule person ( follows time)?
---> Not really...I'm more like a wanderer and I live more or less second by second...I can never be on time and I can never be late...So figure that out...

15. Do you wear a watch?
---> I used to, until my Nike watch was stolen in form 2...Then I stopped...Now I've got my iPod and my phone to see the time...So, no worries...

16. What's your most desirable sport to play?
---> Footie...Be it football or futsal..I just love it...

17. Are you good at it?
---> Hell yes~! If I suck at it, I wouldn't like it would I?

18. Did you ever hit on someone and then got your heart broken?
---> If you count failure to court someone, I'd say no coz' I don't court gals and I've only had one serious relationship thus far...And it taught me loads of stuff bout heart-breaking...

19. Who was the last person you thought of about before typing this question?
---> My mind's blank..But last person...gaby...coz she just nudged me on msn a few moments ago..Zz...

20. Who is the person you think about the most?
---> That gooey thing which comes out of pine trees which is called pine sap, and then it decays for about thousands of years till it forms this yellowish stone, which we call Amber~!

21. Who is the person you think about the least?
---> How the heck should I know... It wouldn't cross my mind, would it?

22. What sort of songs do you listen to?
---> Erm, basicly love songs, sentimental songs, songs with touching lyrics...Don't really dig the current rock songs and r&b...total different style...

23. Why so?
---> Coz' I'm like emo...And I like...Don't have the mood to listen to songs which bring no significance to my life...

24. What is your current favourite song?
---> It still has to be Iris - Goo Goo Dolls or O'Town - All or Nothing

25. What is your current financial status?
---> 0$

26. Do you think you're rich?
---> No, but I also don't think that I'm poor...

27. Do you own a car?
---> No...But I want to =D

28. What kind of car do you wish to own?
---> Er, either a beemer or a mercedes...but a ferrari would do just fine...

29. Do you use perfume / deodorant?
---> Who doesnt?

30. Why?
---> So that I don't stink? Wth....

31. If you were on a date, where's the place you would want to go most?
---> Anywhere my date wants to go...

32. If you were on an island and have to choose someone to live the rest of your life with, would you choose your best friend, your mum/dad, or your gf/wife?
---> Definitely gf/wife...I mean friends come and go...And my experience now, friends are retards....and I wouldn't want to live on an island with a parent, that way, I can't be free can I?

33. If someone has a crush on you, and you found out about it. What would you do?
---> Prolly just get to know whether I know that person or not, and then maybe get to know the person better...and we'll see where it goes from there...But definitely I gotta know the person better before I'd repay back her love...

34. What is the last book you read?
---> Erm, Kerusi~! Lolz...

35. Did you like it?
---> No, it made me sleepy...

36. When you find yourself alone and there's nobody to talk to, what goes through your mind?
---> " Justin, you're pathetic, how can you find yourself in this predicament..."

37. Is love everything to you or just something that comes and go?
---> Definitely not come and go, it's certainly worth something...Or it could also be worth everything...

38. Who was the last person you said " I love you " to?
---> My ex who's in london now...Zz...

39. Did you truly mean it?
---> Of course...I wouldn't toy around with words like that...

40. Why did you say it to him/her?
---> Coz' I love her la...Zz...

41. Where do you see yourself in the next 24hours?
---> Somewhere near genting, listening to my ipod and stoning there looking at the stars wondering how I got there...

42. If you were to choose someone in your friends list to live with you but not forever, as in have as a housemate, who would it be?
---> I don't know...None of my friends can live with me, I'm sure of that...They surely couldn't stand being with a emo guy who only nags about his life every now and then...

43. Are you homosexual?
---> No...Never will be...

44. Are you sure?
---> Yes...Very....

45. How sure is that?
---> Very very very verY sure...

46. Have you ever accidentally fallen in love with anyone?
---> Maybe, prolly yes, but I can't tell myself...

47. Do you find yourself attractive?
---> No, I find myself unique and special..But not attractive..

48. Do you like the way you dress?
---> Erm, a lil...well, maybe a lot..lolz...

49. Do you set the trend or follow it?
---> Of course set man...Wrist band in sch...I started it ( Force of Nature wrist band )...Collar pins in sch ( Eagle collar pin )...I started it...Those wallet straps in sch...I started it (Quicksilver strap)..huh huh...so tell me...am I the one who follow?

50. Last question, what is your theory on life?
---> Life is short, live it to the fullest...Hidup mesti ceria...And life sux, get used to it....Lolz...



====================End======================

Mexican Wine~!

Thanks soh, for such a cheerful song...Appreciate it <3

He was killed by a cellular phone explosion,
They scattered his ashes across the ocean,
The water was used to make baby lotion,
The wheels of commotion, was set into motion.

And the sun still shines in the summer time,
I'll be yours if you'll be mine,
I tried to change but I changed my mind,
Think I'll have another glass of mexican wine.

She lived alone in a small apartment,
Across the street from the health department,
She left her pills in her glove compartment,
That was the afternoon her heart went.

And the sun still shines in the summer time,
I'll be yours if you'll be mine,
I tried to change but I changed my mind,
Think I'll have another glass of mexican wine.

I used to fly for United Airlines,
Then I got fired for reading High Times,
My license expired in almost no time,
Now I'm retired and I think that's fine.

Because the sun still shines in the summer time,
I'll be yours if you'll be mine,
I tried to change but I changed my mind,
Think I'll have another glass of mexican wine.

26/6

The unconventional plays of The All-American Reject's Dirty Little Secret keeps repeating in my iPod and in my square, black and maybe glaring computer. I can't do anything else but listen to it, really the addiction makes it feels like I'm like a wanderer. Or I guess it does.

The serenity and peace that I seek never really seem to be around whenever I let my body and s0uL go to search for it, but it's always there when I think about the past but it keeps haunting me with the pain and the hurtful feelings that conjure when you left.

There is no match to what happened in a morning so quiet and silent as the grave, as today was, it was only the still air and the gush of the wind I could hear when I was clearing my thoughts. Everybody else were alienated, they were away in their own little world called assembly. The only other thing I could hear was that sweet, unforgetable, soft sound coming from the larynx of you, your voice sooths me, but at the same time it kills me slowly.

I've never really stopped to think about what's gonna happen, instead I'm thinking of what may have been. I know it's not within my reach to decide and forsee what could have been, but I know one thing's for sure, I wouldn't be stuck in the predicament I'm finding myself at the moment. Just the thought of it takes me to a place to where I couldn't even recognize myself. Who am I now?

School's just more or less like a getaway at the moment, a place of temporary comfort and just a momentarily place to enjoy Mexican Wine. But then, the one place I'm longing to be at the moment, is somewhere pure, somewhere the world doesn't know, somewhere I feel like home, somewhere I feel myself being much cherished than now. That place is your heart. Despite my undying feelings, I know that this place is the one place I cannot be at but it's the place where I vie to be.

Free-falling is more or less the word to describe me now. I'm falling and it seems that you're not there to catch me, well at least nobody is. The weekends as well are a bummer now, but heck I don't friggin' care. I've got better things to do in life, and talks about relationships now hang within this very thin line in my life, and certainly what I'm doing now. The predicament and this undermining position I'm at, is just an insult to the once was Justin Low. And to find myself in this assenine and opprobrium situation, makes me feel a whole lot shit-tier than I was after watching the most prized possesion of mine leave me when I needed it most.

The rendering and sleepless nights that I'm going through, and the times where I just fall asleep to be in a place of my own, foreign to the world, away from the bitches and assholes that fills my life with the idiocy that I just don't need. It makes me feel rather sad, but sometimes being lonely is heck a lot better than being with a bunch of screwed up retards who give you nothing but trouble.

" The End Has No End "


=================End===================

25/6

Omg, I'm like so lazy to update this shit now...
Hmm...Let me see....Erm, well, today was kinda a shitty day...

Aiya, let me just sum it all up...
I went to sch, played a fool in class, came back...
Rested...Figured how to fix my itunes....Then ate dinner...
Then msn-ed...Then here I am...Thatz bout it...


Ciaoz... " If only I could turn back time, I would stay for the night..."


=========End==========

DirtY LittLe SecreT

Okay, now I've got a Sony camera...Which is damn nice...Clear pics...Clear recording...And then I have an o2 Atom phone which totally rocks my world...So, let me introduce you to..




i-Pod..What i-Pod is this? Well, go figure...And yea, shh...Don't tell anyone else aite? Woo...
=D




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Dinner~inG | 15/6 |

Had a dinner on the 15th, something to do with Low association thingy...Bla bla bla...It was more related to my grandmother...Me and my cousins had to tag along to fill the table...So, here's some of the pics we took...



Nathaniel with half of Olivia...Just for starters, Nathaniel's my fat chubby notorious and loser cousin...Lolz...And Olivia stays in U.S. but she's back for the month...




Now Nathaniel with the full of Olivia...




OmG~! It's....Chilli padi~!!!! Rofl..




And this is what Nathaniel drew on a piece of paper..." This is ah pek larry king"...




See his act of loser-ness....Lolz...




This time his hands are full...So he couldn't block...Lalala..




Olivia, Nathaniel, me and my elder cousin Kennie, whom shares the same birthday with me...Woo...




Olivia and I...Seldom get to take a pic with her...Coz' she's like a billion zillion miles away..Zzz...



Woo...Us and grandma...See Nathaniel...He was wanting to hide dy...But then we took the pic on a count of 1....Instead of 3...Muahaha...




Me and Kennie...And yea, he's the cousin that takes me to futsal and yc in the middle of the night... Rofl...Good times...




Mum, dad and I...Qwer...The only family pic where I don't look like a small kid...haha...






So, that's all for the dinner I guess...Besides loud singing...And all the songs were hokkien~!!!
Omg...really...
That's all for now...Ciaoz..

23rd...eMo DaY

Last month 23rd, was damn eMo ! . This month as well, sighs.
It was 5.15pm, when everyone went home after watching Ocean's.
So, I was at Bukit Bintang alone...Sienz rite...
So I went to Sg. Wang first, and since there's nth there I went to Lot 10.
Went to see some stuff first, but there was nothing much to see besides a few Nike shirts and Adidas shoes. Then this is where it hit me.

I walked out to the railings and looked down, I didn't notice it at first, then it came to me on how pathetic can I be? I was all alone in Lot 10, standing there with my phone playing Aaron Carter doing nothing. I was like wtf. Coz' it's like the first time this shit happened to me. Had to wait for my parents whom are coming at 7pm, and this was like 5.45pm.

I looked down, I saw Delifrance. But not just Delifrance, I noticed that every table which was occupied wasn't occupied by anybody who's single. Every table had a couple sitting there, if not a gal and a guy, be it a group of friends, there was no single person there. Sighs, and considering that I was in the predicament as above, really....Qwer..

I mean everybody there was like having someone to talk to, and I'm like an assenine there doing nuts really. Sigh, never I thought I would see the day this shit happen but it did. I looked at the escalator, then saw this ang mo couple, holding hands talking, ahh...Sweet.
But instead, it hurt me more just looking. I couldn't hold this burden of loneliness after what I saw. Sadly, I was all alone though.

Then thankfully bout 6, Sam messaged me asking how was I. And I was thinking, coincidence? Well, I ain't so lonely and miserable after all. Though I was still stoning there alone looking and envying that comforting feeling that I've lost, a beep would come every 2-3minutes which made me rather glad. Despite so, we were merely talking bout other stuff and not the predicament I was in, but I could accept that coz at least I had someone to chat with.

I was damn lonely man, seriously. Was like a fool there standing, that even the guard also shocked. But then remember the part when I said everything happens for a reason?
Well, apparently it does. Just about 6.30, someone yelled my name, but I thought it was for someone else, so I decided not to look. Then suddenly a pat on the back, guess who. Lolz, gaby was so ngam there with her friend shopping for stuff. And I didn't even knew despite just msging her about at 5pm like that. Luckily if she asked me to tag along if not I'll stand there continue being an assenine.

We then went to isetan, qwer...Went to see i-pods and mp3s, then went lower one floor to see their clothes at manggo. Pei~ness, but what to do, at least I had company. So about 7.15 like that I went to sg. wang to meet up with dad and mum, and the rest as they say is history.

I know now I've gotta start getting used to being alone, and thanks sam, gaby and carmen for teman-ing me. Sigh, think I've gotta do some s0uL searching and start finding my s0uLmate now. I've got 2months, if not, I'd give up and call it a day. If so, I'll let her find me, and even if it means being alone for the rest of my life, so be it. Coz' when you're all alone, you finally realize who your real friends are and what they mean to you. I've got fucked up friends, I admit that. But not all of them are, coz I've got only a few friends whom really are my friends. And after all that's happened, I can't wait to shift place to Valencia, coz' like my couz, all my sch friends are screwups too. Though my couz has his gf, I dun mind being alone, coz' I'd rather be alone, than be with people who are living lies around me. Maybe then I would find some real friends whom know the meaning of testimony of friendship and the meaning of a true friendship.

" I'd rather be alone on the ground, rather than to hang around on my legs knowing that I'm living in a world of lies and deception ".

Thanks for nth ya'll.
Ciaoz...

23/6

Crap, I've missed yest's update...
Darn...Wasn't aware of time...
Anyways, 23rd...SaturdaY...Woke up then had tuition...Learnt bout radioactive thingy...
Seems interesting but made me sleepy...
Some crap bout alpha, beta and gamma rays..

Then went to ts to watch movie with ho, li jia, minray, and joe keen...
Ocean's 13~!
Though 12 was much nicer I think due to the suprise at the end...But it was a good movie none the less...Ocean's, if you miss one moment, you won't understand the story dy...
Rite ho? Lolz...Damn blur you...

Then wanted to eat ice-cream but didn't...Qwer..
Ended up eating french toast...Damn stone...
Then everyone went home except me...
But I'll continue this on the next post....
Coz' it was an emo moment...Qwer..

" You took my heart away, when my whole world was grey..."

==============End===============

22/6

Qwer, the 22nd of June...
Pure crap daY again. Didn't do much in school besides hearing songs from my o2 atom again...
Then really laughed out loud when kok ken did his fantastic critique on the english presentation...Seriously, if recorded, can win grammy awards man...

*Salutes Kok Ken*, his quote was " This poster is nonsense, better throw into the rubbish bin".
Woo...Pro~ness.
Anyways, after school went over to some kopitiam shop to eat chicken chop...
Kinda nice, though wasn't so filling somehow.
Sien, then came back at bout 3+...
Didn't do my essays again, sigh....

Then had tuition and then chill a while, called up few people and here I am now...
Most likely gonna go watch Ocean's 13 tomorrow...Qwer, hopefully got tix.
Lalala...

Oh yea,

ATTENTION : MLTR Concert on 14th July at Genting, anyone wanna go watch? If so, please contact me coz' I wanna go too just that nobody teman me as all of you ppl never heard of MLTR before, lameeeEEeee man....

Quote : " This poster is nonsense, better throw in the rubbish bin"


===============End====================

21/6

At last, I'm back to blog a lil' more proper compared to before. Hehe...
Anyways, today is Thursday...
A rather weird day though. Came to school and then played b'ball...
Was hot again XD
Scoring thru "hacking"...Lalala...
Anyways, after that didn't do much lor...Went to bio lab but I sat on the floor at the back listening to songs through my o2 phone...

And yeah...Wtf man...My I-POD ROSAK~! Shit man really...Zz...
Sigh, really screwed la...
Then the rest of the day played chor dai dee in class...Woo...Though was interrupted as we went to the smart lab...TO PLAY DOTA~! LOL...

And yea, then had stupid pengesanan exams...As usual, copied the whole thing again...
What else...Then had lunch at mcD till 4...Lalala...Had fun chatting with minray and kokhong...
Woots, something like testimony of friendship + a 5% gossiping...

What else...Then went home and had tuition...And now here I am...Lalala...

Edit | 11.11pm | : Forgot to quote, erm...Let's see...

" Baby take me me on a journey, I've been thinking lately I could use a lil' time alone with you...Crazy, let's do something maybe...Please don't take your time, you've got me right where you want me..."
===============End==============

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I don't want the world to see me,
Coz' I don't think that they'd understand,
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am...

================================

Dreams last for so long,
Even after you're gone,
And I know that you loved me,
And soon you will see,
You were meant for me,
And I was meant for you...

================================

I don't want another pretty face,
I don't want just anyone to hold,
I don't want my love to go to waste,
I want you and your beautiful soul,
You're the one I wanna chase,
You're the one I wanna hold,
I won't let another minute go to waste,
I want you and your beautiful soul...

================================

Until you're back here baby,
Miss you, want you, need you so,
Until you're back here baby,
There's a feeling inside I want you to know,
You are the one and I can't let you go...

================================

Heaven,
Heaven oh heaven can't you help me,
I looked in her eyes, now she's all I see,
Heaven oh heaven can't you help me?

First time I saw you girl,
You turned me upside down,
I can't stop thinking bout' you ; my head is spinning round,
I've got to find a way to get with you somehow,
Girl I'm so crazy for you ; you know I want you now...

=================================

Tell me what I've gotta be,
Tell me what you wanna do,
Coz' I can't live my life the way you want me to,
You know I can't go on living like we do,
Do I have to cry for you?

=================================

If I could,
Then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go,
Way up high ; or down low,
I'll go wherever you will go...

And maybe I'll find out a way to make it back someday,
To want you, to guide you, through the darkest of your days,
If a great wave shall fall,
It'll fall upon us all,
Well then I'll hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you...

================================

I don't know how you do what you do,
I'm so in love with you,
It just keeps getting better,
I wanna spend the rest of my life,
With you by my side,
Forever and ever...
Every little thing that you do,
Baby I'm amazed by you...

================================

Let me be the one you call,
If you jump I'm ready to fall,
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,
If you need to fall apart,
And I can mend your broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone...

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================================
================================

I say baybe I know what's on your mind,
Coz' it looks like you've got something to say,
I may not say those words anymore,
But maybe it just ain't my way,
You ask me do I love you but...

Do you remember why I walked on water for you...
Do you remember our first dance on the moon...
Have you ever wondered why I gave three wishes to you...
You ask the question but the answer lies in you...
The answer lies in you...

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================================
================================

=================================

I don't know what to say now,
I don't know where to start,
I don't know to handle a complicated heart,
You tell me you are leaving,
But I just have to say,
Before you throw it all away,

Even if you want to go alone,
I will be waiting when you're coming home,
If you need someone to ease the pain,
You can lean on me ; my love will still remain.

=================================

Lately you have been asking me ; if all my words are true,
Don't you know I'll do anything for you,
Sometimes I haven't been good to you,
Sometimes I make you cry,
And now I'm sorry for everything,
And I promise you girl,
I promise you this...

When the blue night is over my face,
On the dark side of the world in space,
When I'm all alone with the stars above,
You are the one I love.

================================

Baby won't you tell me why,
There is sadness in your eyes,
I don't wanna say goodbye to you,
And love is one big illusion,
I should try to forget,
But there is something left in my head,

You're the one who set it up,
Now you're the one to make it stop,
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now,
Now you want me to forget,
Every little thing you said,
But there is something left in my head,

I won't forget the way you're kissing,
The feeling's so strong,
We're lasting for so long,
But I'm not the man your heart is missing,
That's why you go away I know...

===============================

14/6

16/6 : Okay, just so if most of you never noticed...Which I'm sure that you didn't...
I hadn't updated my blog for like 5days...Qwer...
Had issues with myself, though despite help from jon, li jia, sam, gaby, still i can't find it in me to get over my break up...Sighs...

Anyways, I'll just update this for the sake of updating it...
Erm, 14th...Hmm..It's a Thursday...

Oh, I remember now...Got back few exam results...Then had some weird lecture bout EST in school which I slept throughout while listening to my i-pod...
Boring shit man...Really...'
Then we went to eat at Nam Heong...Woo...
It was filling as we ordered half a chicken...Hohoho...
Then went back home and had tuition...Basicly that summed up the day...I really cant write much so I won't go into the details of the daY...

"Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain..."

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13/6

13th...

6am - Woke up
6.30am - Left for sch
6.45am - Reached school...
7.30am - 1.45pm - Schooling
3+ - Reached home I think..
5pm-9pm - Was in my room listening to songs...
9.15pm - Went online
11pm - Watched tv
2am - SleeP


Sry for no detail-ing on the daY...Will try to put in more details next time...Coz now ain't such a good time..Just doing this for the sake of updating..Sry again..



" Things are so different now you're gone, I thought it would be easy to know what's wrong..."


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What's Left of Me Now. . .

READ THIS BEFORE YOU START READING :

Okay, if you wanna read this post, make sure you read till the end, coz' the emotions and mood may differ at certain times in the post, so if you don't plan on reading this till the end, then don't, aite?


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Life can be compared as to riding a rollercoaster ride, and at times as a bumpy road, there's its high points and low points. Currently, I'm at one of the lowest points I've ever been in my life. I've never felt this depressed, lost and helpless than how I am feeling right now. The world is like an ignorant land which seems foreign to me at the moment. Every step that I take, has taken me further and further away from my friends, society and the people whom I care about. Sighs, although this may just be caused by one person alone, but sometimes all it takes is one person to screw someone's life up and tear it apart.

Considering what I'm goin' through now, I've been thinking quite deeply, "What have I done to deserve this? Life is based on karma, what goes around comes around. You do good things, and good things will happen to you, " . I know, I know, you might say that maybe I haven't been doing good things in life or maybe I've been a jerk as of late, but come on, I realize my mistakes and I work hard to rectify them. Especially my relationship with my friends, coz' ever since I spent too much time with her, I know that I've lost touch with many of my friends, and I mean many.

I've known Amber since form2, yes, form 2~! Sighs, but after knowing her for 4years, I've never thought that I would be so lost without her presence. The times she would call, message, and the nights we spent together staying up late watching movies and playing games with her sister as well. Sighs, those times are now gone, and I miss them so so badly. Nevermind that, back to the point, 4years I've known her and when I first met her, who knew that I stood a chance in going out on dates with her. I thought she was just like any other pretty gal, whom at times can be bitchy and at times can be so amiable and lovely. But boy was I wrong.

I never knew that she was as timid as a rabbit, as shy as a swallow. Who ever knew someone so cute would not be so bitchy as well as hates to flirt around. Okay, okay, too much detail here. I don't even know if "as shy as a swallow" exists or not but that's the only thing I can think of. Anyways, I've never felt happier knowing her, she made me feel so comfortable just talking to her and letting her know about my life, vice versa too. I didn't dare ask her as I feared rejection, yes, really. I mean, sometimes in life, why can't we just know what's going on in people's mind. Sighs, it makes things so difficult and I guess I was in luck that she liked me back too.

I teased her a lot on the whole gf-bf thingy, and I guess, one day she finally realized that I was totally hitting on her. Despite jeopardizing our friendship as most of the time after rejection, girl would avoid boy, boy feels sad, and eventually girl won't talk to boy anymore. Sigh, the akwardness of the situation. After dropping quite a number of hints, she finally asked me whether I liked her liked her and my reply was a yes, without a doubt. She didn't know what to say at first, but then after she also said she felt the same way and asked me bout the whole bf-gf thingy and my answer to her was a rather funny one, but hey, it was good, hehe.
I replied her with lyrics from Aaron Carter-Do You Remember. I used the chorus to reply her.

It was really a heart-wrenching moment, I wasn't sure myself if I was ready to commit myself into a relationship as my studies were slacking off, and yes, I thank you Jonathan for that. But heck, what's life without taking chances. So, from there, we built our lovey dovey world of our own. It started out kinda difficult, but after a while things were goin' okay. I never really seized certain moments which needed me to, like her sister's birthday, the home-warming of "our home", and a few more. Despite that, I'd call her to talk her about my day and she'd call me to talk to me on hers, but usually she'll do the calling on a count that she's freakin loaded with cash, hehe.

It was then that life seemed well, although we don't talk much during weekdays, but sometimes we spend the time together during weekends and cook porridge late at night. It was a rather open relationship, as we couldn't just confine ourselves in our own sweet world but we gotta give each other space as well. All this happened during the end of form2, erhem erhem, 22nd September to be exact. =)

Okay, I'm sure you're getting kinda bored about me and her, but heck, bear with me for just a little longer. Form 3 was a good year, me and Jon did some crazy stuff together. Heck, we were notorious, out of control, wooo! My relationship with Amber was also getting better, towards the middle of the year, we'd spend time at "our home" studying next to each other, and she was freakin' smart! Photographic memory some people call it, as she would be like reading one part a while and at the end of the day, she could remember it. Scary, but cool, mysterious, and very very the cutes. Hehe. That is also based on the fact that she doesn't study much, as when we're together we'd just sit there talk a while then watch tv or something.

As PMR was coming, I had to keep my mind focused. I seldom spent time with her towards the end of August. And as a caring and understanding person that she was, she knew what our priorities were as well. And after PMR, it was the sheer taste of freedom! During the holidays, I spent quite an ample amount of time at home, but as well at "our home". May it be night or day, my mind was all set on her. I wanted to know what she was doing, if she was thinking about me, gosh, I was driving myself nuts, and I couldn't wait to spend the night with her.

Form 4 life was basicly about the same, and it was then that I realize that we never really argued much as a couple, which in a way seems so nice, but at times, it occurs to me if is this too good to be true? But hey, I was just living for the moment, so I couldn't care less about what's gonna happen next. That was until this year, sighs. On February, she told me that she would be migrating to London. The news was rather all of a sudden, and I was friggin devastated. We avoided talking about it, as they say, "Ignorance is bliss,". But certainly, it proved not to be. She left almost a month ago. Despite staying back an extra 2weeks than her family, it just wasn't long enough, sad to say.

We tried to keep in touch as often as possible, but there seemed to be lots of things going against us, and that made life really difficult for the both of us. Sighs, to add to that, she wasn't such a computer person, so she would like only excess to her laptop or computer every 4-5days once, or sometimes she wouldn't even excess to it as the need wasn't there. Then, on the 10th of June, they say Sunday is a good day, and some say the best day of the week, but I would like to say it is the worst day of eternity. She replied an e-mail I sent to her, and boy, it made me cry, yes it did. I couldn't hold it in me, so tears just flowed out, though not that much, but the feeling inside was so devastating that it was more or less like a dagger through my heart.

With her absence, I'm like a lost sOuL wandering around the face of the Earth. And all I have carrying with me now are the memories of what used to be. Sighs, I've never thought that love would hurt so badly. Nevermind the break-up, during the process, I've lost touch with my friends. I don't know who am I now. I've lost my good friends in school, as in like I'm not close with them anymore, Kok Hong, Jon, David, Ho, Joe Keen, and a few others. Sighs, heck, I've lost my best friend as well when she left here.

I'm really like a pathetic fool just looking for somewhere to go and fit in now. I've lost my place among everybody. Even with Amber, sighs. And I'm really sorry that I've not replied nor answered some of you people's calls or sms'es. I'm just like really really not in the mood to do anything. Despite doing well this term in the exams, I couldn't care less about my grades at the moment. The only thing which makes me feel happy is listening to songs, but at the same time it makes me sad as well. But there are songs which I can't stand to listen now.

Some songs from Air Supply, Backstreet Boys, Michael Learns to Rock, Westlife and A1 are songs that I can't take at the moment. It just breaks my heart listening to them. Sighs, what am I to do with my life? This sense of loneliness is killing me bit by bit, day by day. Every step that I take now, sets me further from the people around me. It sets me apart from them, as well as my existence in their very lives. I may not be able to help myself out of this on my own, but heck, at the moment, it's the only choice I've got.

Coz' you know, it could be my fault that I've taken a path that widens the gap between my friends and I, but heck, if you're a good friend, you're someone I can count on. Someone I can trust, someone whom I can believe will stick with me till the very end, someone whom will never lie to me or let my secrets out, and someone that believes that I'm that person's friend for who I am, and not for the sake of other things ( I do mean this a lot ). Sadly, I can't really find anyone whom can do that for me, as in seriously. That's why I said, when I lost her, I lost my best friend as well.

Coz' nobody else seems to be there, nobody else seems to care, nobody else seems to really share my thoughts. Sighs, maybe I'm being paranoid or whatever, but I can't help but feel this way. It may be me, but ask yourself, did you really care or did you care for the sake of just caring? Sighs, hypocrites, they fill up my life so nicely that I'm left here pondering on whom I can trust in my time of need. Maybe I'm too used about the fact that someone's always gonna be caring for me, as she did, or maybe it's the fact that this is what seperates a gf from a friend, a friend from a best friend, a trustworthy friend from a friend, a good friend from an ordinary friend.

Sighs, I can't expect much from the people around me, as they always say they do care, but I'm used to the care and attention they give towards me. It's very warming, trust me. So warm that I think I could even be in Pluto and not feel the difference. But hey, don't care about me just because after reading this, it makes you feel sympathy for me, coz' I don't want more idiots and bitches to be in my life already. I've got more than what your fingers can count, so please, if you weren't that caring in the first place, I'm sorry to say that, you've not been a good friend of mine, sad to say.

I don't know whether it's me, or maybe that I've not been smart in dealing with the people around me, but one thing's for sure, my relationship with Amber, despite its good and its bad, has made me a better person in life. I wouldn't have understood some stuff in real life situations if it wasn't for her, the times we had, the memories, they made me, well me. Despite the times I had with my friends as well, nobody in the world could take her place and that's for sure. I don't know if there'll be someone out there, and please stop telling me "There are better people out there", "Surely there's someone else out there for you", and "There's still a million fish in the sea" kinda things coz' I can't really trust these words no more.

My friends are the people that I enjoy my time with, other people's friends are people whom will be there for you no matter what, the good or the bad times. Sadly, I don't have these friends, well at least not any more. Everybody's always too busy with something, be it personal problems or just the sincerity of it all. Relationship is built on trust, be it friendship or love. In trust, sincerity is the most important aspect and without it, you might as well just end the relationship coz' it's like living a lie or a hoax.

" The one thing I have come to love in my loneliness, is the soothing melody of the sweet song playing in calmness".

I've been lonely officially for 6days now, and I guess it'll beat my record of ever not being lonely. Just before you misunderstand, my definition of lonely is as in lonely lonely, not the gf-bf thingy. Just lonely in the sense of emptiness and ill-hearted~ness and the fact that I can't find someone whom I can trust. Sighs, life's really a mess now. I lost my will to excel in whatever I do, I lost my determination in doing anything, I lost my spirit in dealing with the situation in front of me, I've lost my sOuL.

I appreciate it very very very much if you have read this whole thing, coz' it basicly explains what I'm going through right now, take note, "basicly". If you did read till this far, you are a caring friend, coz' not many people would read the whole thing due to its length. As I mentioned, they're just too busy with their own lives. I don't know what to believe in now in life, my whole existence here seems worthless, coz' it wouldn't make a difference for me being in this world or being Justin Low. Maybe if I were some different person in some different place, I'd be much more appreciated and well, serve a better purpose.



I know that I've been a jerk lately,
But that doesn't mean that you could ignore me fully,
I never knew how much I'd miss you,
Only till the day that I somehow lost you,
Be it you're my friend or someone closer,
You'll always remain in my heart forever and ever,
I might just seem like a puppet to you,
But for a fact this puppet is someone true,
I'll be there for you until the very end,
Coz' you and I both know that I'm always gonna be your friend.


This poem is something I've thought of over the last 5minutes, and I dedicate this to everyone I know. Despite you ignoring me or not caring, I would still want you all to know this, that I as a friend, will always be there by your side and be there in your time of need. Sometimes, all it takes is just to ask, but I can guarantee you, I'll be there for you, and you know that I will.

I guess that's almost all that I can conjure up in this post. Thanks for reading if you did read, seriously. Good night people. And life is short, so enjoy it to the fullest aite. =)


Signing off,
+*+*+ NeOn +*+*+



======================================
======================================

12/6

Woo....What a brilliant day this was...
Erm, let me see...Burnt papers in class...Got back results which sucked badly...
Hmm...oh yea, and I just realized that I haven't slept on saturday and sunday nite...Woo...

Sighs...Life's a real bummer now...Anyways, 12th...What did I do ar...
Erm, basicly just got up and go to school...
And then had to open badminton hall lor...
Then stone there with david...Rofl...

Sienz sienz...Oh yea, it was the day I completed my add maths hw which was due a week ago...Geng...Had 3weeks to do, but I didn't...

Nth much else to comment la...


" Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you? "


============End============

11/6

I didn't sleep for 2nites...Yes...2 damn nites~!
I was restless, sad, depressed..Sighs...
Finally broke off after 3years...

" 3 years of togetherness is nothing compared to one day of loneliness "

Qwer...MondaY...Stupid day...SERIOUSLY~!
I did nth...Went sch feeling sad...But then kinda forgot that sad feeling when was in class...
Funny stuff keep popping up...Hehe...But darn, when I got back home after the weirdest gm ever...I was so devastated...

I tried to read back my exam papers and guess what...I couldn't friggin understand what I did...Sighs... I've lost track of my goals and my purpose...

I don't know what to do...Really...I locked myself in my room basicly on this daY...
Yeah yeah, whatever... I was listening to songs and like basicly have this feeling if i listen, it hurts me more but if I don't listen, I can't really imagine if I don't listen...Bla bla...Sighs..

Then w/o realizing I slept for quite a while...Sighs..By the time woke up already 8pm like that...Zzz...Then talked with li jia oth at 9+ till 10+ i think? Yea, shud be around there...Sighs..

Life sux sometimes, and somehow my life sux really badly now...Qwer...Lalalala...


" And you know, it's just too little too late...So be real, it doesn't matter anyway...It's just a little too late..."


==============End=============

The End of An Era/Dream

8th of June, 8.43pm ( Malaysia time), 1.43pm ( England time ):
p.s. : Don't ask me how I know the timing in England and these messages are copy/paste.

" Baybe,

Seeing that things are like this, I noe that either ah jie has been telling u stuff or that u're just pretending...But truth be told, it's not easy to let go... And really, I've not gotten over it, so stop saying that I have... Anyways...I dun wanna argue with you nor do I wanna do something I would regret la...

But considering the circumstances, and I've talked to Gaby last nite...She also say that itz difficult lor...Yet, I won't let this go so easily...Im sure u noe that...

And yeah, I've been emo and goin thru a rough time here...I dunno you la...Coz' you now like this then I can't do anything rite? Knowing those times are gone, you tell me how not to be sad? You also get the feeling, so there's no need to tell me those crap from the previous msg... Sry for saying it like this...But i've been thinking la...With things like this rite...How can u let it go so quick? Not possible rite? Sighs...

I dunno if ah jie has been saying anything to you, but I'm sure she has la... So, you tell me la... I also dunno what to say dy baybe...Coz' i noe for sure u're still feeling something...But u noe that is not within my reach now to be there for you...though i wish i could, and if i could, i would definitely would...

Ah jie also another one la...I mean yea, she has been helping out before, but now she like ask u to stop it all of a sudden...Don't you think she's a bit over? I have no comment la really, coz if she's reading too, so be it la... Based on that rite, baybe i can tell you... I know that ah jie certainly got influence the last msg u sent, coz it's not possible for u to say such things knowing after all this while u've never said things like that before...

Unless wat u're saying that those 3years have been nothing? Those nites there at ur place meant nothing? Those times we spent together talking and caring meant nothing also meh?
I really dunno la...Coz' all i noe is i've been caring for u...but if u're not that same person, then i'm sorry..i don't want anything to do with you...

It hurts me a lot to see u change, if u had la...but really...i never really thought it'll come here...
It sucks u noe to talk to u thru mail only...it really is...another thing u tell me la...if itz really u were "wrong" about this rite...then what's the point staying back 2weeks before u left?
Aiya...i really dunno how to put it in words my feelings now...Coz reading what u sent me rite, sighs...really...it god damn hurts u noe...it hurts...

Sighs...i noe itz difficult to make this happen...we're like worlds apart now...u asked me to be together with u and my answer was "the answer lies in you" rite? So now, im giving u that same answer...just so u noe, i've always cared for u, loved u and cherished the times we had...but it's not in my will to stop this...i really got nth to say dy baybe...

The answer lies in you..."




10th of June, 7.46pm (Malaysia time), 12.46pm ( England time ) :

" Baybe. Yes, i know u know that ah jie talk to me all those things lar but what she say if u come to think of it right, is true. correct or not? i know that i should not act as though i've gotten over it, but then you and i both know that sustaining this is not really much of an option now. i know you're hurting, but to tell you the truth le, i too am crying quite a lot u noe, and usually when i talk to ah jie lar.
Sigh..u noe me more than ah jie, but sometimes rite, ah jie is the only one that noes how to carry me through this type of things. i noe again you're gonna say ah jie influence my mesagge but really, even if she has, she is the only one.
I still love you too, but i told u, if things are meant to be........then they are....daddy also now damn happy here, he keep saying that here suitable lar and all those things. i know you still care, but haihs.....it is also not in my reach to sustain this relationship ler baybe. i hope u understand le, cause all this while we've been there for each other and all but this is something beyond what we can achieve. sighs.
Those time together were not nothing lar baybe, you dont like this. Sigh. it meant a lot to me that u've always took the time to be there for me, and i hope it means a lot to you for the same thing that i have done. but u know, i missed those times more than anything else, i miss you calling me also, cause i know nobody else in the world is gonna call me baybe everytime on the phone. sigh. i'm crying now just to let u know while typing this, its just difficult lar wanting to say things i dont intend to say. u know that i will never forget you, forget wat we had, like u say last time le ' once u love some1, that person will be apart of u 4ever ' .
Sigh. i can't stand us being like this, u know, not being together, especially seeing u hurt this badly, im sorry baybe. i really am. haih. i wish we could continue this le baybe, and i mean that fr the btm of my heart. but i think ah jie shud also have a say in this, so i guess u know my answer baybe. u noe i do wurve u too, and that i care for u ever so much, u shud noe that of all ppl baybe. in my life, i would never meant to hurt u, never. but i hope u understand that this is also beyond me, baybe really. i know that this is difficult, cause i will nvr want this to end also. haih. baybe, u will alwis remain in me, always. and there is no doubt that u will be my one and only baybe, i hope that u will find someone out there who's better than me, cause i know at times, i can never be the one that can suit u, and please don't say that im wrong k.
i want u to be happy, much more than i am right now, and much more than being with me. i really hope that we can still kit, if u dont mind lar, cause when im old enuf next time, i wanna be sitting on my rocking chair knowing that u have been my best friend that i can alwis connect to in my life. the secrets we share, they're alwis gonna be just between u and me, i hope. cause i know for a fact, i will not tell anyone, and i mean it.
i really want u to know baybe, that i will never ever forget u no matter wat the outcome is fr this rough patch in our relationship. i will wait for ur reply. cause baybe, talk to me, even if it's just to say goodbye. and this is all fr the girl u call baybe, not anyone else, not ah jie, not anyone. <3>

9/6

Qwer...
Didn't sleep last nite, felt a lil emo la...Especially after cooking porridge with Jon again. Rofl, I'm seriously pathetic ain't I?

What to do...Life sucks now, feeling confused, lost, and I just don't know what to do.
Qwer...

Anyways, was lying on my bed repeating Savage Garden and Avril Lavigne songs.
Then got off my bed, didn't do much, it was about 9, so I took my breakfast then watched tv lor.

And after stoning for bout' few hours, here I am.
Sighs...Goin out later tonite, for Hillsong concert. Hehe...
Though I've never really heard their songs before, heard they're good la, so I thought why not la.
Qwer...

Hmm...Don't know whether tonite I'll sleep too. Darn, I really don't know.
Anyways, nothin' much to update today I guess, so ciaoz...


" Would you be happier if you were someone together? Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part? Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather? "


======================End========================

Someone Please Read and Answer Me

I can't find a suitable title for this post. Oh well, just had an emo session with my friends.
And yea, lotsa stuff came flying out, bang boom bing~!

And stuff that I know was happening, but wasn't sure of whether it was real or not.
Speaking of stuff like that, was just wondering, why are people so afraid?
As in afraid to let their feelings shown, afraid to tell others how they feel, afraid to tell that person that he/she likes that person.
Sighs, I want to know too. ='(

I mean izit so difficult to let your feelings out?
How will one ever know whether that person is feeling the same way he/she does?
How? Can anyone tell me.
Coz' love isn't a game, it isn't something you go around looking for, coz' love comes looking for you.

Sighs, the chances people take, the possibilities that may surface from the chances taken, all starts with one person risking his/her relationship for the sake of knowing whether that person feels the same way about him/her.

The risk of wanting to be with that someone, asking that someone whether he/she feels the same. Is that risk a risk worth taking?

"When you love someone, it's always better to take a chance, rather than to be stuck feeling lonely and not knowing what could have been".

I hear this phrase often, but fairy tale endings only happen on tv shows.
Sighs, it's just weird isn't it?
One moment you feel like you're sure, but the next thing you know, you blew away the one thing you wanted most.

The irony of it all, Qwer...
When you love someone, you care about that person, you'd rather spend time with that person than anyone else in the world, and you can practically place that person above yourself and above every other individual in this world.

I don't know will I be able to do that again, but if I could, I certainly would. Coz' it's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all.

I don't tend to be with anyone that I couldn't place my trust on or someone that I know I cannot love, although I might have feelings for that person, I cannot do what a person can do ( referring to the above ) when they're in love.

But with someone that I know that loves me for who I am and not just for show, I know that I can. Coz' that person well makes me, me. Hey, but who am I again to be emo and judge people by this. This is just my opinion, and what I'm going through.

I just wanna know what people feel, what people think, and not just some words that tell you stuff that ain't true.

Sighs, NeOn signing out...Tata...


================End=====================

DoGgiEs

Introducing the one and only....KIKO~! Lol...Btw, this ain't my dog, it's my couz...Hehe...



Woo...He's small, cuddly and most of all, he's a god damn house dog. Lol, meaning he will never step foot outside the house. So obedient. Zz...

The next 3 pics are the latest pics of him...Cute~ness...Haha..








The next dog is my dog...Lameness...hahahahaha...



Woots. This is my useless and though sometimes cute (yes, cuTeEEe) dog, Benji. Lol.





He may look skinny now, but in actual fact, he's the clumsiest and fattest dog my family has ever owned. Rofl =D




Haha, here's his scar he got while goin' out looking for some bitches. Typical stupid dog. Lol.
Didn't came back for 6days. Zz...


I guess that's all...Lalala...Tata ppl... =D

8/6

Sien day again...
Everyday also like repeats itself. Didn't do anything lor today.
Woke up at bout' 10, then cook porridge again. Sien man...After that, had lunch at about 1 I think. Lalala...

Didn't do anything significant to post here today. And I mean that seriously.
Sighs man...Sien like hell...Be emo also cannot, though I was a bit emo when I was watching OTH and Goal just now...LAlala...

Wah...Seriously man...Did nothing...Shit this la...
Lazy wanna type more..Rofl...Ciaoz...


Edit (9.15) : Forgot to quote...

" If you want me so much, first I have to know are you thoughtful and kind? Do you care what's on my mind? Or am I just for show? "


================End=================

7/6 (2)

Huhu...
Yest I cooked porridge with Jon (lol) , and now I just finished cooking porridge with Gaby, again, thanks if you're ever reading this for calling. Somehow I also still can't know how you can predict what I am goin thru, but maybe you're Amber's best friend la, so I don't know, sure got some weird connection. Hehe...

Despite so, I've never really let out what was on my mind, maybe I ain't so close to you ( sorry ya, no hard feelings) and maybe that's why I told you stuff you didn't know la. Qwer...
But nvm, that 1hour and 15mins was nice coz' at least I know that someone does roughly know what I'm going thru. =D

Sienz man really, supposed to go out, but ended up didn't. Zz...
Really man...Mum suddenly wanna go pasar malam...Ruined the evening...Zzz..
Sien sien sien~!

Omg...Now I also like damn stone...Qwer...
Dunno what to do la tonite...
Can't go yc, tv no nice shows, oh wait...Woots, maybe got the first hour of Constantine...Hoho..Lalala..
Hopefully got XD

Sighs, having company around one person really is worthwhile.
Sometimes in loneliness, all a person needs is a hug, a company, someone for that person to just be with, conversation isn't really a must, but presence is what makes it all worth having company. Just that presence to make sure that you ain't lonely.

Ah, screw it, who am I to say these things?
Ciaoz...


================End===================

Song of the Day | Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You

Maybe it's intuition,
But some things you just don't question,
Like in your eyes,
I see my future in an instant,
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend,

I know that it might sound
more than a little
crazy but I believe,

I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...

There's just no rhyme or reason,
Only the sense of completion,
And in your eyes,
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for,
I think I've found my way home,

I know that it might sound
more than a little
crazy but I believe,

I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...

A thousand angels dance around,
I am complete now that I've found you,

I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...

I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...

I knew I loved you before I met you,
I knew I loved you,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I knew I loved you,
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I knew I loved you...
(Fades)



Nice song, addicted to it again now. Lalala, somehow it soothes me. =D
P.s. : The acoustic version owns~!

7/6

Sleepy...Zz...
Slept at 3.30 yesterday. Lalala. Was cooking porridge with Jon for like 1hour and 30mins. Lol.
We talked bout shit again, and bout our current stuff la. Emo~ness.

Sigh...Didn't really do anything much today. Woke up and watched the last 30mins of OTH.
Then, went online a while, then went to eat lunch. Qwer...

Watch tv...Sms a bit...Then that's bout it. Geez, lame man. Lol.
Dl-ing songs now. So, thought just come here and update a bit.
Havin' tuition later. Sighs...Sux man. Darn, might be goin out too after that. Muahaha... Lalala..

Sienz man at home now, haven't studied yet. Ooo...So dead.
Time for some quoting,

"If you tell me that you love me, and those are just words. You can tell me you don't need me, and I know that hurts, coz' I'm looking at your picture, coz' it's all I've got. Well, maybe one day you and me will have one more shot. "


====================End=======================

11am~!

Darn borings now. Qwer...
Just finished watching One Tree Hill again, though I missed the opening 30mins again. Rofl.

Anyways, watching it really damn pei lor. Made me feel sad again, but then it also thought me a couple of stuff about being lonely la. So, there's its good part and bad one. Lalala...

Being lonely is sad, but at the same time, it protects you from being hurt. And you will never get to know how much it hurts till you're lonely. But then it's always good to know how much your heart can take, coz' certainly you don't want it being too much for you to handle alone.

When you love someone, it's always better to take a chance, rather than to be stuck feeling lonely and not knowing what could have been. Even so, Brooke didn't ask Lucas coz' she thought Lucas still had feelings for Peyton, but then actually Lucas himself was afraid to ask Brooke, though he could tell something was wrong. Lalala...

11am~!


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EmpTy

If you're reading for today's update, please start with the 6/6 post. Thanks.

I've been thinking today, when I got home.
Who is Justin Low? Who is this guy? Does anyone really know him?
As in who he really is, what's his hobby, who is he like, what interests him, what he is really like.

Hmm...Yea, I've been thinking that, and guess what.
I've realized that nobody knows, honestly, nobody. Well, currently nobody lor.
Before she left, she truly knew me, she truly understood me, we were close, really close.
She knew what pleased me at times where I needed someone to comfort me, when I needed someone to talk to, or maybe just someone to be there for me, and make me feel that I'm not alone.

Well, there is someone else la, I mean that knows me quite well, but now he's not really close with me, and so, we're not that close anymore. Sighs...Well, actually, he knew a lot about me, seriously, my attitude, my actions, my feelings, he knew. Haha, yea, he was something like my best friend. We spent a lot of time together, talking, gossiping ( yes, GOSSIP~! ), joking around, telling each other our problems, stoning, vandalizing, and causing chaos. Haha, it was fun while it lasted, but now, it's gone la, but I accept that, coz' that could be partially my fault too in some way.

Anyways, I miss the times la basicly, those times where I wasn't lonely, and when somebody really really really knew who I am. The emptiness that fills me now really just makes me feel like I don't know, as if I'm alone la. Nobody knows me, nobody understands la. Sighs...

I know I know...I shouldn't be emo again la. But I mean I can't help it la, I came back, and I thought of this, and really, I don't know what to say la. She used to be the one that could really tell me for who I am, and really understood me for what I was goin through. Omg, too much info I guess, lol. Qwer...

Though I do know that those times cannot be brought back, but yet, I do know for sure, that those times were the times that I could really depend on someone. Now, too often have I questioned the sincerity of the people around me, the trust just isn't there like how I trusted her. Maybe it's my fault for being too open to her and not anyone else, or maybe it's meant to be like this, or maybe it's just...Just....

eMo !

EveryThinG HappeNs FoR A ReasoN

Well, if you're reading this, I'd suggest you read from today's first post, which is the 6/6 post.
Anyways, back to this post.
Qwer...

Well, everything that happens in life, they happen for a reason.
Like when I enter my room, I turn on the switch, the light doesn't turn on till I close the door.
Or like when I go to the fridge to find food, I don't find any. Then I feel lazy to go to the kitchen, but then I still do, and I find food. The choices we make, the things that happen, they happen for a reason.

Sighs...Like when I choose to pick the left or right of each side of the goal to place the ball. Sometimes I score, sometimes I don't. Like the time I scored 0, I picked the sides where the keeper goes. Or the time when I score 15, I scored some great goals and placed the ball well.
These things happen for a reason, sometimes its just to ensure that life is fair. Or sometimes, because it is meant to be, as you will find out why at the end of it.

Like when I choose to be alone and lock myself in my room, I thought of like what's the point, then the next thing I know, I managed to write a few poems and discover on how that made me feel. Or like times where I decide whether to flip the tv channel or not, and when I do, I find something that I wanna watch, as in that'll make me feel better, or when I don't, I just fall asleep in the living room, but which is a good thing coz' I will be awake to open the door for my uncle, coz' sometimes he doesn't have the key to enter.

Things do happen for a reason. But sometimes, you just don't know what it is, and it makes you gotta figure things out. Like why did you go away ? Or why do I feel lonely when I've been enjoying myself lately? These feelings, just simply don't seem to have an answer.

But nvm, I still accept the fact that the stuff I do, they happen for a reason, like me going late to places, they happen for a reason don't they? Maybe it's to meet someone there, or maybe just to have seen something or maybe to experience something which I'm meant to experience.

Guess it's something like that. But seriously, if you ask me, things do happen for a reason. So face it, aite. ='/

LiFe Is FaiR

Well, there are things in life, well, they happen for a reason.
To be more exact, I think everything happens for a reason, the things you decide on, the choices you make, they all happen for a reason. But that's the next post la. This post is about the equality in life. And to show that life is fair.

Okie, erm, let me see how to start. Hmm...Well, in life, you may not always get what you want. And sometimes you do, but then you'll never seem to be satisfied or happy with them, coz' whenever you gain something, you lose something else. Don't get what I mean?

For example, whenever you gain acknowledgement or recognition from people, you tend to also lose respect from others. Still don't get it? Well, like me, I may have moved on with life after form3 and made friends with new people, but then I lost touch with my old friends, as well as my close friends. Sighs, something I regret but something I have to bear with I guess.

Next, when something good happens to you, something bad also happens, coz' guess what? Life is really fair after all. Like just the other day, I scored 0 goals for futsal. And yes, I was pissed, coz' it was the first time I didn't net in a goal, but then the next time I played, I also broke my own personal record. Yeap, I netted 15 goals in an hour. So, come to think of it, life is fair. Another fine example is me and my couz' friend, he scores an own goal every time he plays. Rofl, but then in every game, he also scores one heck of a goal which we call a ci bai goal. Haha.

What else ? Hmm...Oh yea, whenever you feel happy for certain periods of time, you'll also get back that same time of sadness. Yea, that's right. I've been in a relationship for more or less 3years, I've been happy, emo, jealous, and jovial throughout it. But hey, no relationship is perfect rite? Sighs, but now, she's gone, as in for good, so, I guess this is my moment of sadness and bla bla bla. Maybe I guess is someone else's turn to be happy la, and my turn to feel sadness for a change. Yeah, I mean life is fair la, I've been happy and I mean very when she was around, so I guess maybe now is time to feel that sense of emo and sad feeling lor. Rite? =/

So, if you're goin' thru a tough time now, or enjoying life as you are at the moment, embrace yourself, coz' there are times where we are happy, sad, joyful, emo, afraid, lucky. Life is fair, life is like a rollercoaster. You'll never know what's ahead of you, but it's always good to know that if you're feeling low, some good times are ahead of you.


========End=============

The Numbers Game IV

Wee...I'll just put this up la...Before all the rush of emo posts come in...Lol...
Erm, so the first 5numbers already given hor...So left two more..Hmm..

The 6th and 7th number are the same..
So, I'll make life simple la for those who are trying to figure it out...Erm, the number is very "pat" wan...Happy?

Lalala...But I'm sure some of you still can't guess the number...Muahaha =P

Ciaoz ppl..

6/6

eMo !

Lol...What a freakin' long day...
Woke up at bout 9 I think, then have to go ts...Zzz...Early rite? Lol...
Reached there about 9.50 I think, then enter there...Rofl, then minray damn stone..Cannot go in, form 2boy~!!!! Wakakaka...No la, poor you man, haha...The guard must be thinking that...

Anyways, then li jia came along then we went to watch Orang Labah 3~! Yes...Haha...
Wah, in the cinema damn cold wei...I was practically freezing..Zz...
Nvm, the show damn emo man... Damn sad somemore...
More like :

When girl wants guy, guy doesn't want girl's company..
When guy wants girl, girl doesn't want guy's company..

Serious shit man...Reminds me a lot about myself..Cheh =P
Nvm that...Movie ended bout 2+ I think then there was this weird dancing thingy on the ground floor...Funny man the ppl there...
Nyway, then minray went to tuition...Bugger, owe me dim sum man~!

So me and li jia went to makan haagen-das or however u spell it...
Again, I was damn cold...Zz...Makan banana split...Lol..
Then david came from his medical check up..Bugger, ffk~!
Nvm, give u chance...Once only...But minray...too much man..3times dY~!!!!!

Then we go yc again somemore..Zz...At some coffee place..Qwer...
It was okay I guess, then I had to ciao...And this was 5+ dy man....Omg...
Took so long... Then when I reached home...about 6la..
I realized something wei...But that's later on...Coz it is eMo ! =D

Qwer...That's all for today...Other stuff coming later...Lalala...


" I woke up it was 7, waited till 11 just to figure out that no one would call... I thought I've got a lot of friends, but I don't hear from them, what's another night all alone? When you're spending everyday on your own..."

==============End====================

The Numbers Game III

Hoho...I'm back..
Okay, once again, I'll make this short and simple...
Hmm...I think I gave the first 3numbers out dy rite?

So, the 4th number of my cell would be the same as the 2nd number, so you'd better get that right. Lol. Gosh, I'm being too kind here. Haha, but that's okay, I passed my god damn Undang. Lalalala...

Anyways, the next number is very weird, coz I seldom come across it, I'm sure you ppl too...
Hmmm...Let me see, erm...Omg, I can't think on how to give a clue on this...

Erm, I really can't seem t0 find the pr0per number to actually use man...G0sh...This is like damn st0ne...
Zzz...Really wei...0mg...Aiya, it's between -2 and 4 la...En0ugh said....


Good enough I hope, coz it's like so damn OBVIOUS~!
If you still dunno the 5th number, then you've g0tta 0pen up y0ur eyes to be able t0 see the clue c0z there's s0mething different ab0ut this p0st c0mpared t0 0ther p0sts...Get it?
If y0u still d0n't, then it's s0mething t0 d0 with a letter...Go figure out which one...
Lolz..Good day people =D

5/6

Lalala...
Woke up at 7.20 am today, yes again...Sighs...Hadn't had enough sleep lately...
Anyways, went to take my Undang test nearby my house there. Was like so nervous, coz I din read anything till like the final 10minutes or so...Then when the guy ask me got confident to pass or not, I told him yes, but I was like so not prepared.

When I entered the room, was like omg...Fail how leh...Dun even have enough money to "pao" the fella there to pass me...Heck, I didn't even had enough money to retake the damn thing...
Was like shit la...Fail how wei...Gosh...
But thankfully, somehow I managed to get 47/50...Muahaha...Pro-ness =P

Then met Hui Yat there =P (p.s. : say wan teman but came so late... lol..sorry couldn't stay longer wei, had to follow mum to market before it closes... )
And yea, I didn't read...Seriously, only last 10mins read the road signs a bit...That was bout 9+ I think, had to go to market with my mum, then later on went to Bukit Bintang..Qwer....Yet again, had to teman my mum..Lalala...

Damn stone wei at bb...I was like just walking there...Seeing stuff...My mum had to withdraw or deposit cash or something there...Then went to Lot10..Bla bla bla...You get my point..I was bored till like...Gosh, can't even explain...

Got back around 2+...
Damn tired wei...Slept for like 20mins then my friend nudged me...Zzz...Guess what? DotA...Wth man I was like sleeping so nicely...But nvm, had to teman him....So that's about it thus far....Raining here again...Seriously stupid weather over here...

Maybe I'll update more later....So, tata =P

4/6

Gosh, what a sick day so far..Lolz...
Started off waking up late, about 7.20 when I had extra class at 8...Lalala..
But I arrived 30mins late, geng leh? Haha. But then I was like "shit, this is wasting my god damn time, buggers...". Why? Coz' the damn class ended at 9.30...

I mean like wth izit all about?
I ate nasi lemak in class, so never really heard what the teacher was teaching...But then when it ended, I was like dumbfounded. ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Seriously, shit the extra class. Screw it la..Am not gonna go for any of it anymore...
Waste of my freakin' time, somemore teach so lil' the teacher and then I spent most of the time watching basketball. Lol...

Wee....went to mcD at about 10.30...Kakaka... Then there's this new lime thingy coz of Shrek at mcD...Got the ice-cream and all..Thankfully there's no Lime Pie..If not...really zha dou...
Then when I ordered, they said that Breakfast Meal cannot serve and I was like wtf....Coz they were cooking hashbrowns and there's the mcegg muffin burger...SO I WAS LIKE WHAT'S UP WITH THE FOOD???? Damn it, serious discrimination man...Bugger refugias...

Came back around 12.15...Then online till now lor...Lalala...Raining here btw...Gosh, gtg...Before lightning strikes...Darn, can't find time to post my "Everything Happens for a Reason" and "Life is Fair" theory....Lalala...Some other time la...Haha...

ByEEeeee =D

The Numbers Game II

Hoho...Round 2...Lol...
Erm, okay, I'll get straight to the point la...Since it's raining...Qwer...

Erm, well, I gave a clue dy for the "1st" number, so that means there's "6" left.
Okie, the second number should be easy for u all la. It's a quarter of the amount of my favourite number times by two. Hoho, unless you failed maths then you can't answer this. Lalalala...

Okay, the third number is well, is the number of one position below of what I got when I was in my form one class for my exams. Lalala, still dunno ? Hmm...Then get to know me better. Lalala...

Ciaoz ppl =P

Song of the Day | Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Coz' I know that you feel me somehow,
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't wanna go home right now..

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your love,
Coz sooner or later it's over,
I just don't wanna miss you tonight..

And I don't want the world to see me,
Coz' I don't think that they'd understand,
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am...

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of truth in your eyes,
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive...

And I don't want the world to see me,
Coz' I don't think that they'd understand,
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am...

And I don't want the world to see me,
Coz' I don't think that they'd understand,
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am...

And I don't want the world to see me,
Coz' I don't think that they'd understand,
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am...
I just want you to know who I am...
I just want you to know who I am...
I just want you to know who I am........



Love this song lots. One of my personal favs. Though it makes me emo listening to it, but still I love it very much. Qwer, listen to it ppl, it rocks~! =P

The Numbers Game I

Qwer...I've changed my number temporarily. Well, I think for the next 2weeks or so la...Lalala..
So, you don't have my number?
You can either go figure it out urself or you can play my numbers game for the next 4days. Muahaha, cruel ain't I ? Hoho...

Okay...Firstly, I think I've already told someone this (you should know who you are), the number is a Maxis number. So just think of the possibilities urself aite...Haha...

The first number of this cell number is very weird and somehow unrelated to me in many ways...Erm, it's the position I got when I was sitting for the 3rd term of my standard six exams, yea...that's the only relation I have with this number. Still don't know? Hmm...Let me think of more clues...

Erm, the number is associated also associated to the *something*.

This *something* is related to the place we go when we are gone from the world. So it could either be up there in the clouds or down there in the pits of fire.
Okay, I guess that's enuf, made it too simple I guess. Nvmz, I'll give harder ones for the next 3days. Lalalaa...Blueks =P

3/6 (2)

Omg. The day keeps gettin' more borinG...
Sien man really. Darn, dun even know what I'm doing.
Sighs...Futsal cancelled today...Have to wait somemore for my "1ooth" goal.

Really lor, did nth today...Had mcD for dinner.
Haihz...Damn boring la...Wtf man...Feel so lifeless...Lalala...

Qwer...Omg...Gotta do my addmath later somemore...Hw since 2weeks back and due 2weeks back...geng leh? Muahaha...

At least lost a bit of that eMo feeling...Hoho...
Darn, can't even dl songs...Can't search the song out...Zzzz...
Frustrating man...Seriously...

Sighs...Nvm la...Everything happens for a reason...Hopefully it's for something good...
Oh well, nth much to write here dy...

Oh shit...Haven't been quoting stuff....Aiks...Erm,

" Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody wreck my heart out, and leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life, I'd rather be anything but ordinary please..."

=================End==================

3/6

Damn sienz...Really nth to do today.
Woke up about 11 I think...Then went online a while...Then go watch tv...
Omg..Pathetic-ness. Wtf is wrong with me...Zzz...

Darn, really nothing to say man today.
Goin for futsal about 4.30, but then now is like 4.20. Darn, 10mins to reach Sunway. Woots...haha...

Dunno how...But somehow have to reach there...
Zzz...Lalala...Omg, and it's gonna rain again...

Wth did i do to deserve this kind of weather? Sighs...
Nvm la, hope it stops when I get back...As I said, everything happens for a reason =D

Kays...Ciaoz...


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