I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder, whether is it a necessity to love someone and to be loved.

Whether sometimes is it a must, and the vitality of longing somewhere.

Countless times I feel that I long to be loved, even despite the fact that baybe was here for the past couple of years.

Maybe I was too pampered, or I took her presence for granted.

Coz' now I wonder, how true is all this when the things you do doesn't justify anything that you say. I just couldn't come to comprehend what is going on at times.

I wonder, am I in a dream? Am I facing this reality like an absurd, ignorant vagabond?

There's no point in me saying anything now, coz' whatever it is, it isn't how it used to be.

I wonder if this is going anywhere, or we're stuck at where we started, or I wonder, did we even take a step outside of these 4 walls or not.

I hate wondering and pondering upon things, for they never lead me anywhere and tend to bring me astray.

But sometimes I just can't help myself when you do these kind of things.

It really makes me wonder, what kind of person are you?

If everything and everyone means that much to you, then what am I to you? Probably just another puppet on your wall, I wonder? Hmm.

Coz' I can never see what is going on, for you never talk to me about these things.

And even if you do, it always ends up hurting me that little more than it did the last time.

And so I wonder, how much more of this I can take.

Seriously, what or who am I to you?

I wonder, if things will change. I wonder, if maybe one day someone might actually love me as the likeliness of baybe for the past 3years. I wonder, if you would ever know how I feel when this happens one too many times.

In truthful fact, I wonder if you even read this. But I don't bother.

I just don't understand some people's actions, they can be hurtful, distorting, and even unbelievable at times.

Well, it's not easy to understand people. You may think you've known that person for your whole life, but they'll never tend to surprise you with actions you never thought could even suffice in their minds.

Those actions that hurt you so much, that you would even question their sincerity behind all those years of everything.

I wonder, how do people live these kinda lives?

I really admire them, for they can put on several masks when dealing with several people.

It's just so amazing what they can do and how they can lie to you straight in your face and come back and tell you that what he said was true.

Tsk tsk, I've been hurt uncountable times by people whom I think I could place my trust on, guess I was wrong.

But now I know that, those people are ones I cannot trust, and despite the fact of what they did to me, I still wonder am I a fool to still talk with them everyday of my life?

Despite that, I shall be the one who gives in, be the modest one and definitely not stir up any sort of unwanted attention.

For despite what all of you had done to me, I had never uttered a word to the people who eventually are gonna end up like me after they know you people long enough.

Why? Because I'm not that sadistic of a person, I don't go around screwing up people's lives and relationships like what you people did to me.

Although after what you did to me is uncomprehendable by most standards, but I feel that there's a time where you would change, all of you.

And although after what you people did to me, other people who don't know the truth behind all this come and tell me what great human beings you people are and sometimes even take pity on you all when you all put on your masks to draw attention to people.

Hypocrites, I wonder, how long can you people live this way?

Is there no feeling of guilt on what you people do everyday?

Or maybe the satisfaction of getting things done your way just defeats all other feelings within you?

I seriously wonder.

Sighs, one moment when I see you people, you're all smiling and laughing. The next when I'm talking to someone else, they tell me that you people are extremely depressed and sad.

It makes me sick to look at you people and how you infect their lives with hypocricy.

I just can't believe that you people would even resort to something this low to get someone to like you, or to get attention, or just for the sake of wanting other people to be close to you.

It's just sickening.

I wonder, do I really deserve all this kinda crap?

I wonder, why do I still associate with these bastards and bitches whom I see every single day of my friggin' life?

I wonder, will one day anyone ever know the truth behind those masks, or will I just be the only one?

But even if I am, I will never speak of it, for the more that I do, the deeper these wounds are gonna get, for there's too much hypocricy goin' around.

I wonder, how do you do things like you do now and tell someone else that you're feeling otherwise?

Baybe,

I wonder, will I ever get to see you again?

I wonder, will anyone love me like the way you did?

Sighs, I wonder, do I even deserve to be loved at all?



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